In August I went to a day program, where I got diagnose with general anxiety disorder. We did talk about I might have borderline personality disorder. She it more anxiety which make sense, however I do feel that borderline make sense too.
Today I have violent impulse to hurt people that I are close to me like my mom, friends, women and kids. It really mess up and freak me out. A lot me living with my parents, being a virgin and being ugly. Some I can go calm to angry out of no where. I feel always have to be right, canāt accept defeat and donāt want to be in the wrong. Having hurt to say abuse stuff to people and taking control. Iām scare of dying alone and not having anyone, not having sex and going to hell for my sins.
Do you guys think I Borderline Personality Disorder?
Hey, Iām no expert by any means, but thereās a bit of a risk when people go down the self diagnosis hole only because it can make the anxiety heightened. Only a certified mental health professional can make a true diagnosis, so it could be worth going and having a chat with someone if you feel comfortable?
As far as anger goes, anxiety and depression take a big toll on peopleās moods. It might be good to be able to sit down with someone and figure out your triggers and find some resolution to how to cope with those feelings a of anger.
For me it was as simple as talking to someone and finding ways to calm myself and talk myself through some questions like āwhy did this trigger me?ā And āin an hour would it still make me angry/annoyed?ā Itās helped me to think about how I react and if itās worth me venting about. Not saying thatās what you have to do, itās just an example of what helped meā¦
but Iām sure there would be some other steps to help figure this all out for you.
In the meantime itās good youāre acknowledging how youāre feeling and whatās going on!
thanks for sharing. Iāve found for me, that when I start āacting outā, it is because Iāve been triggered, Iām under stress, and Iām overwhelmed. It feels like every emotion crashing in on me at once. When it happens, I struggle. In a heartbeat, I can be in a rage, that I am at a loss to understand why. However, I have never failed to find something at the bottom of my rages, usually its a stray thought, or something I saw, even sounds, can hi-jack my emotions. For me it stems from abuse and neglect, trauma.
It seems like youāre seeing that lashing out at people is not something you want to do, you feel badly for your actions, which tells me that you want to change this behavior. Being scared of dying, of being alone, of not having sex, and going to hell ā¦ thatās a lot to try to overcome at once, and Iām not sure if you can actually Know what your future will be.
Youāre acknowledging youād like to change. Give YourSELF some credit! That is huge. Please stop dooming yourself to hell, and try to think of yourself as a work in progress, which is what we all are.
What would letting yourself lose control be like? Sometimes it is more scary for some people to let go of control.
As far as BPD, perhaps, but perhaps itās just another label. I encourage you to explore your own feelings, and avoid labels for now. Sometimes when weāre labeled, we surrender to the label, and take that label as our true self.
