So I weighed myself for the first time in probably six-ish months today. I did because i realized when i was getting dressed that my thigh gap was smaller than i remembered it being, and i got really scared that i’ve suddenly put on a lot of weight. So i decided that i needed to weigh myself. I thought just by how i look when i see myself, i thought that i was in the ballpark of 135-140lbs, but turns out i was actually only 123.4lbs. It’s really messing with me. For one i didn’t think my dysmorphia was that bad, at least not anymore. Just because the shock and concern, i’ve been doing body checks pretty much anytime i pass a mirror, and i know that’s probably not a good thing but i can’t seem not to. But the most recent time i did today, i realized that my thigh gap is pretty much gone, where as even like 2 days ago i don’t remember seeing any differences. I really want to purge again, but i haven’t in around 7-8 months and i’m worried that if i start i’m not goanna be able to stop again. I think that maybe to avoid the purging aspect of it maybe i should just start restricting a bit more again, at least just until i get back to where i was. i mean i held a pretty consistent weight and shape for a while and i think that maybe if i just take a couple days to a week and just do a kind of strict ‘diet’ till i get back there i should be able to maintain it again. I’m just freaking out because i don’t know if i just haven’t noticed my weight gain, or if i really did gain enough in like 2 days to see such a dramatic difference, and i don’t know which i’m more scared of. Not to mention the fact that i guess i actually have no clue what i really look like or what my weight actually looks like.
It’s better to maintain a consistent diet than to drastically reduce calories a day or two a week. It’s easier on you body, and it’s easier to maintain a steady weight that way. Consider your reference to “maintain it again,” indicates that you didn’t actually maintain it for the long term. People with weight problems usually are in a process of gaining and losing over and over. That was me until about 15 years ago. Part of the problem is eating large or high calorie meals sometimes, and smaller meals or abstinence at other times. That’s what triggers hard to overcome cravings.
Freaking out about it makes it harder to manage. It programs your subconscious to undermine your efforts. Your subconscious “obeys” your implied instructions to make weight management difficult. Instead, remain calm and remind yourself of the many times you succeeded in reaching your goals. That approach works in other areas of life as well.
Regarding the thigh gap, there are a couple of possibilities. The first that comes to mind is water weight, brought on by sodium/salt intake. The next is muscle tone. You might want to think about focusing some of your exercise toward leg toning. With exercise, you can actually gain weight and be leaner, as muscle takes up less space than fat. Finally, as a body reaches adulthood, it may simply “want” to have a bit of additional padding in some areas. If that’s the case, it’s still possible to become more lean, but it will take a permanent exercise routine.
Adjusting body weight should be accomplished by small reductions in intake - small enough that your body/mind doesn’t throw a tantrum or trigger cravings. For me, it was like the equivalent of a spoonful every few days. Then I didn’t feel like I was suddenly deprived. Make sure you’re getting your vitamins, fiber, etc.
Bathroom scales aren’t known for accuracy. They also show variations in weight, depending on foot position, if you’re leaning one way or the other, and even slight changes in location on the floor affect them. So, step on the scale the same way, with your feet in the same position every time you do it. The best time to weigh is in the morning after peeing.
Give yourself a few minutes in the morning to look at yourself, then don’t do it again for the rest of the day. We humans are our own worst critics, and most of us are chronically dissatisfied with our appearance. We never actually see ourselves. We look far different in the mirror than we actually are “in the flesh.” The mirror, like a camera, makes us look heavier than we do in person. Besides, at 123lbs, there’s no possible way you can look overweight.
From: Micro
Hey @Luca,
I’m so sorry that your concerns regarding your weight are causing you so much distress lately. I feel through your words how much not knowing your actual weight for so long yet seeing your body changing is stressful. This change is somehow reactivating all these thoughts and urges that you have fought for 7-8 months (and what an accomplishment, friend! That is SO huge). Controlling, restricting, purging… It makes you feel like going back to these old patterns would help you right now. You feel stuck in a body that causes you a lot of distress, so your mind is looking for a way out, a way to regain control over the situation. Unfortunately, restricting your diet is at the core of this vicious cycle. You believe deeply that you “just” have to make this intense diet again so you won’t have to purge nor to endure a body you dislike. But that is unfortunately a lie that we tell ourselves, an illusion. It’s a cycle that diet creates and becomes a trap over time. If you restrict your diet again, especially during a time of high vulnerability like now, there will be a time when it will be more difficult to control it - because life happens and we’re subjected to emotions that change every day - and ultimately you will be more tempted to purge yourself again as a result. I have personally been dealing with eating disorders and body dysmorphia ever since I was a teenager, so it’s been more than a decade now. When I see myself having these thoughts of wanting to get back to some old and unhealthy patterns, I try to remind myself that it’s not really about food or my body, but how I deal with the current stressors in my life. The temptation to go through a diet again is very tempting and looks like a really comforting solution. But you carry also a history and the last 7-8 months you have dedicated to not purge anymore is significant. 8 months ago you agreed that something had to change, because it’s more about how you perceive yourself, how secure you feel in your life, than how you appear physically.
What makes you feel more vulnerable these days? Who are you beyond your body, your weight or your calorie intake? What is your life and your heart made of? You are so much more than the numbers that you’ve seen on the scale, or the tightness of your gap. Maybe now would be a time to ask for some more help, if that is possible for you?
You are loved so much. Thank you for being brave enough to share today. I hope this could be a first step to you that will help you say no to all these thoughts and calls for moving to something appealing, but that might be unhealthy at the moment. 
As a fellow human who has struggled with weight, I want to tell you that your mind is probably going to be your worst enemy. What your brain wants to see and make you feel about yourself is probably not very accurate. I would definitely recommend seeing your doctor and gauging your actual health. Our body has a huge impact when we start to restrict our diets.
We don’t see what internally happens to us.
Our bodies also change over time. I never thought I would look the way I do and be the weight I am now, but you know what? I’m happy! I’m healthy and happy. There’s so much we struggle to take into account such as hormones, muscle density, the ageing process ect. You’ve done so well going so long without purging! Please speak to someone about this so you can start to embrace life and enjoy food for its beautiful flavours and the way it brings friends and family together. You deserve that.
Hi there,
7-8 months is a a nice chunk of time, have you been doing anything fun or learnt any new skills? Played new games, did a fun art piece, heard that one perfect song?
You’re not the same person you were 7-8 months ago, you’re your awesome self now. When you’re not the same person from back then, why must you be the same weight?
There ae so many ways we can look at how we’ve blossomed as individuals, and even one new good memory can make the last 6 months feel like you’re changed.
Weight is an unfair metric or measurement to use to see how you’ve changed.
I hope that you can look at yourself with love, without judgement.
Tell us more about what you love doing, your interests, hobbies, etc.
You don’t need to change. You are valuable and loved just as you are now.
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