I think I may be sexually inhbited

This has always been extremely hard for me to talk about I haven’t even spoken to my therapist about this. I may even delete this post later.

Anyway growing up when I was very young my mother always accused me of being a promiscuous girl. I have no idea where this come from, from her wrapped sick twisted mind.

I couldn’t wear shorts around the house this one time because my clothes were dirty and I just finished taking a bath because I was being “fast”. It made me felt very dirty.

I didn’t have any kids my age to talk too and when I was 11 when we were staying over a neighbor’s house becuase she couldn’t hold down a job for long. I was playing with him with a water gun. She came back from doing whatever and said I was being fast…I can never forget the crazed look on her face.

I always heard demeaning crazy shit like this from her and it made me felt dirty. It taught me anything sexual was negative. I remembered how I was always uncomfortable or scared? When the topic of sex came up.

I am an adult now and sexual topics still bother me. I can’t stand nude or sex scenes in movies and I get annoyed very easily when people get so happy or childish when the topic revolves around sex I think that may be a trigger for me. I also get upset when extreme conservative people say things like how no women shouldn’t take birth control because it’s “unnatural” or some other garbage or how they say they use this fertility awareness method instead of using birth control or even condoms because of their “this is the natural way” fucked up mentality.

I suspected that I may have vaginismus due to my upbring and I don’t believe that I will be able to find a boyfriend or become sexually active even though I do want a lifetime partner.

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Hey @BlackCatAnnie

Thank you so much for sharing this here. It took a lot of courage to open up about this. It sounds like you experienced a lot of shame throughout your life regarding your body or anything sexual. Shame has a way of making us feel dirty like you mentioned because whereas guilt makes us feel bad for something we did shame says we are bad even though it isn’t true. So it would make sense that you have an aversion to it because of how much shame was centered around it and why the topic of sex is a trigger for you. I would really encourage you to bring this up to your therapist so that you may be able to process more of what you mentioned here. It sounds like you know that root of where this stems from and working with your therapist on it further could provide an opportunity for more healing, clarity and growth.

Thank you again, friend for being so open and honest here.

Hold Fast,
Hannah Rhodes

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I understand how you feel even though I’ve never experienced having a twisted parent. :heart:

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Hello friend, I’m here to tell you that having no interest in sexual activity is ok!!
I do believe you should bring all this up with a therapist, but as an ace I want to make sure you know that sex does not define worth when it comes to finding a Significant Other. It definitely makes things difficult, as today’s culture tends to put a heavy emphasis on sexuality, but that does not mean aces are broken or unworthy of love. Please don’t feel like you have to force yourself into any kind of sexual situation. If you think it’s something you want to try and work up to, then that is also totally fine. It’s all about you and what you’re comfortable with.

I myself have tried dating, and every time the relationship has fallen through because I just could not bring myself to be comfortable with the sexual activity that my partners wanted and planned for. My aversion is only in the physical, in fiction it’s fine, but when it comes to me and my body with someone else, I can’t stand it. It stems from serious body image complications, I know this, and it’s taken me a long time to accept the way I am. If my potential Lifemate expects to train me or woo me into wanting sex, then they are not the ones for me.

I hope you can find peace with yourself, wherever it is that you wish to end up. Just know that you are a beautiful person and you don’t need to compromise when it comes to love. :heart:

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