First let me apologize to all of those that I’ve hurt in the past year and a half. I never meant to hurt any of you and I love you guys a lot. But yesterday my world came crashing down. I got high… I know I shouldn’t have… and I lashed out to some of the people I love the most. I was not only mad at myself but mad at some life situations and took it out on the wrong people. I got blocked by three people in this world that I love so much and I feel like shit.
I said things I didn’t mean because I was hurting and I don’t think there’s any going back. I’ve tried to message all of them to apologize but I’ve had no luck. Why did I hurt them when all they every did was love me? I’m so fucking stupid… I guess since I’ve forced myself out because of decisions I’ve made I just want to say I love all of you and I’m so so sorry.
I’ve been told for a long time that they would never leave no matter how far I pushed them away. And I believed it. And the fact that I’m a big enough piece of crap to push them away makes me question my worth and the point of my existence. I always said the moment that these people left would be the moment I had the peace to go forever. But I’m not ready to go. I love them too much. I just wish I could take last night and had never let it happen. I regret it all. But it’s too late. They’re gone… I can only be mad at hate myself for it. And I already do.