I think i ruined my innocence

I’m a teen and I’ve been dating my best friend for almost a year now(we’ve known each other for a long time and we’re the same age). We’re homeschooled and have been pretty sheltered so we’re both new to this whole relationship thing. Sometimes, our feelings do get the best of us and we both get touchy. My parents have made it clear that there is to be no intercourse until I’m an adult. I feel really confused and honestly I feel awful cause I feel like I’m going against my parents. I’m scared of growing up and having these new feelings. I don’t know what to do.

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Hello. Nice to meet you. Welcome to the community. Thank you for sharing. It means a lot to us (HeartSupport). Your parents love you. They don’t want you to cross boundaries. Also, it’s normal to have those feelings you are having. You’re human. I encourage you to practice self-control, patience, and communicate with your parents, and her’s. Have a conversation about the two of you. You are not alone in this. We (HS) love you, we care for you, we support you, we are here with you and for you. If you want to share more, this forum is open. I hope you are having a decent week. God bless you.

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Hey @creamcheesedreams,

Thank you for reaching out! I want to echo what @AVJR said above. Your parents just care for you. Things can get messy the further you experiment in a relationship, especially if you eventually end up going separate ways. There’s nothing wrong in taking things slow and steady! Take life one day at a time. :slight_smile:



Hello! I am an adult who has been in and around the homeschool community for about 20 years now. I also grew up very sheltered and my parents were strict about physical contact and intimacy before marriage. I have been exactly where you are and have felt exactly what you’re feeling. :slight_smile:

First, please know that your parents love you and their goal is to raise you in the best way they know how. I’m sure that their rules are not meant to make you feel guilt or shame. Their intention is to guide and protect you.

Relationships aren’t black and white and your innocence is certainly not ruined. Asking these questions and wrestling with these feelings means you are a wise and beautiful soul!

Your feelings are normal - in fact, they are a gift because it means you feel connected to another human in a special way. How amazing is that!

My advice: Take time to dig deep. Why do you feel “awful”? Why do you think your parents have given these boundaries? What are your convictions about this topic? When these experiences happen, how do you feel during and after?

If your confusion or shame is in any way attached to a sense that you’ve crossed a personal boundary for yourself, or that you’ve been pressured into physical acts that you aren’t yet ready to engage in, it’s okay to say “no” or “stop.” One physical act does not mean anyone has the right to expect you to do something again if you’re not comfortable.

Have a wonderful day, and know that I’m praying for you.


Thank you all so very much. Sorry I didn’t reply sooner, I’ve been busy with schoolwork and activities. It means a lot to see such reassuring messages☺
I feel a lot better reading these. Hope you all have a wonderful week <3

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I know my parents just want to protect me and I couldn’t be any more grateful for that. I feel awful 'cause I feel like I’m going against the rules, and I think I am.
My parents would just like me to stay safe and aware(especially since I’m a girl) but also save it for the right time so it’ll be special, and I agree completely with that. I’m feeling really conflicted because I want to explore these new feelings but at the same time, I’m scared because I don’t want to have intercourse right now and I realize there are consequences for everything.

Being a teenager is confusing. :exploding_head:
Also, this is kinda irrelevant as mentioned in my first post, I and my boyfriend have grown to be extremely close and our families have gotten pretty close as well. I don’t want to lose him and he’s said the same to me. As for the mean time, I’m going to practice self control and maybe even take up a new hobby as well, haha.

One last thing; is it normal that there have been some things I haven’t told my mum about? (Just a couple things, to be exact.) I tell her pretty much everything and I don’t want to betray her trust in me.
Does this make me a bad person?

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So innocence is a concept designed to be ruined. Like you maintain it rather than gain it.

And for your changing feeling and body, I highly recommend this channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen

Good luck and just know what you’re going through is normal and if you want to have sex with your boyfriend, that’s entirely your choice no matter what anyone says. And I hope you stay safe with medically accurate info. So please watch the channel.

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No it doesn’t and your parents.are just old fashioned. They literally went through the same process and they’re being dishonest by pretending they didn’t.

Crushes, dating, sex: it’s all a normal part of life. It’s complicated but they sheltering stuff does you and your partner both a huge disservice.

^ reason I say that is because the state with the most abstinence-only sex sed also the state with the highest teen pregnancy rate. So it clearly doesn’t work and we should learn from Mississippi, and give teens the information they need.

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Thank you o’ great walrus for your words. :slight_smile:
Yeah, my parents a bit old-fashioned but it’s kinda sentimental in a certain way. I think they’re just trying to guide me in that path. Thank you again for your message though.
I’ve heard of Laci Green before, been meaning to check her channel out!
Also, I didn’t know that about the whole Mississippi teen pregnancy thing. I agree that teens need to right info as well.
I appreciate you(and all the other repliers) taking the time to reply and provide advice. Really am thankful for all of the advice.
Hope you all have a good weekend!