I think i wanna give up

[Fallen_angel]

Fighting is so hard i think i wanna give up. Ok its wrong but i cant even express in words the struggle i deal with

[nyntje]

Hey @Fallen_angel

You are so brave to come on here to speak about the fact that you’re struggling right now. I’m so sorry to hear that you are struggling so deeply with what you are going through that you can’t even talk about it. I can’t even imagine the pain you’re dealing with right now.
I know it seems right now that everything is dark and there is only one way out, but I also see a person who is reaching out right now. Wanting to be seen. Wanting to be loved. And I want you to know that I see you, and I’m listening if you’re willing to open up more about the things you’re going through right now. If you don’t want to share, that is also totally fine, just know that you can.

I hope you will stick around and read what I have to say to you, because I have had dark thoughts too and just been wanting to give up. Whether that was giving up on the path towards recovery or giving up in general. The reason I haven’t given up is because I have some really stubborn people around me in this community called HeartSupport (maybe you’ve heard of it ), but the thing is that these stubborn people actually will tell you the truth.
Because the truth is that you are valuable. The truth is that you are loved. The truth is that you are strong. The truth is that you are important. You have breath in your lungs. You are a person. You are someone that came here to reach out because you were struggling, you didn’t hide away, you came here. Did you know that a person you will make someone’s day more often than not, just by simply existing? You can make someone feel better because you smiled at them, or you give them a cup of coffee, you talked with them and made them feel seen. We often don’t know the imprint we leave on other people, but it’s always more than we give ourselves credit for, because there’s a lot that we don’t see or know. Maybe you mentioning a certain flower to someone made them think of buying that for a friend who actually could use something to take care of. You see what I mean? Whether it’s directly or indirectly, you can be the source of someone else’s happiness, and I think that that’s actually pretty rad.

Now I don’t know what country you are from, but I hope you will also find the courage to reach out to a crisis line if you’re having thoughts like this. People who work at crisislines are better equipped to help you and it’s because I care about you that I am mentioning these numbers and chats. They are the people who can really help if you’re in distress.
I’m keeping you in my thoughts.
You’re loved.

-Nyntje

[Micro]

Hey @Fallen_angel,

Thank you so much for being here.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeling how you feel. If there’s a rule that applies to our feelings, it’s that they’re always valid, just because they exist, even when we don’t understand why. You are not weird or crazy for feeling that way. Just right here in this community, so many people have felt and feel the way you do. I too have been through days and will probably keep feeling that way sometimes, when everything seems too hard and overwhelming. When life feels like a constant battle, we wonder if we could be allowed to just live instead of surviving. Again, those feelings are deeply human. Sometimes we’re just too tired and we need to say it.

i cant even express in words the struggle i deal with

Words can be very limited when we need to express how we feel, indeed. Not everything can be expressed through words, but that’s okay. Maybe now is not a time for you to express yourself through words, but more to feel, while being in a safe place with people who care about you.

Do you think using a different way than words could help you to express yourself? It could be, for example, through art (drawing, painting, sculpting…). Or sharing the art of someone that resonate with how you feel. Or even a music. So many times I feel deeply connected to a music when I feel very depressed, just because the pain I feel goes beyond words. It helps me to feel less alone, to feel like my pain is understood and valid. Just that I’m not alone for feeling that way. And somehow, there is something therapeutic in this too.

In any case, take your time, friend. Sometimes we can only say “I’m not okay”, and it’s enough to connect with others, just like you did right here. What matters though is not to stay alone with those thoughts. Acknowledging that you are tired of fighting is a first step. We’re standing by your side, friend. We’re in this with you. With words or through silence - you are not alone.