I’m sorry that you’re feeling so overwhelmed. I get wanting to hide from life for a while. Actually, there are no steps backward. It may seem like it, but those seemingly backward steps are necessary, it order to learn how to progress. It’s like when Edison was working on the lightbulb. He failed over 2000 times.
One thing for certain, change is inevitable. What you are going through is not permanent.
I have hope for you, and I know what I am talking about, because you have provided plenty of reason for that hope in your previous writings.
It’s actually kind of rare to be self-satisfied. Contentment is intermittent. Still, periods of contentment can make the struggle worthwhile.
Choose to be satisfied with yourself, if only for five minutes at a time. If you can’t do that, pretend to be satisfied with yourself. See how it feels. If you can successfully pretend to be satisfied with yourself, you have demonstrated that it is truly possible to be that way.
You are a good person, and deserve to be happy. It’s rare for anyone to be happy all the time, but I certainly wish you to have more happiness.
What kind of activities do you do, just for yourself? How are you caring for yourself physically?
You are not broken. You are a unique presence on this planet, and the world needs you. That’s why you are here. Please feel better, and know that you are loved.