I think im getting worse | tw sh

last night I guess I got in an argument with my boyfriend, and idk we both feel really bad about it, and after we argued my mom got mad at me for forgetting to do my homework even though I did it and turned it in. She said I’m not allowed to forget anything. She literally forgot to put a bra on when she left the house that day… she forgets too. I have just had enough of arguments. Last night I dipped out and told my mom I wanted to leave but she didn’t let me, and after I begged her to leave me alone I cut my thighs probably over 100 times or something. My legs are killing me. I also tried killing myself last night by cutting my wrists 4 times but it didn’t bleed enough and I was too scared to make it a deep cut. I really wish I could die painlessly or just not wake up.

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I am far from an expert on cutting. Yet it seems that you are choosing to experience one kind of pain in an effort to avoid a different kind, in this case, attempting to distract yourself from emotional pain by subjecting yourself to physical pain.

I hate that you are in any kind of pain. I am also concerned that the aftereffects of cutting serves to remind you of the emotional pain you are trying to avoid.

Maybe this can help you:

Hi, I don’t know you personally but I can tell you are going through a lot and really hurting. I have struggled with cutting for over 7 years and I know how much pain it causes both physically and mentally. It sounds like the relationship with your mum is difficult right now. Relationships can be hard. Is there anyone else in your life that you can talk to? If you are in school which I assume you are because you mentioned homework do you have a school therapist? What about your boyfriend?

I also want to mention as someone whose delt with self harm for a long time please make sure you take care of the wounds and clean them. You really don’t want to end up in more pain because of an infection. Please seek medical attention if you think you need up to avoid being left with permanent scars. Please please reach out to someone if you are still feeling suicidal. I know it can be scary but there will be someone in your life willing to help. You are worthy of life and you would not be better off dead. Don’t believe the lies that your mind try’s to tell you. I want you to know you are loved unconditionally and I’m sorry you are feeling so low. You can always message me if you need to talk. :heart: Please stay safe.

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