Three weeks ago my partner of one year broke up with me, this alone is hard. But then a week after that, my friend invited me to a party. I went for a confidence booster. I got there and she flirted with me the entire time, and I flirted back. It was fun. We danced and smiled and laughed. But at the end, she kissed me. I kissed back. It felt good, to be wanted like that again. I hadn’t seen or touched my partner for six months so I felt confident and happy. Later that night she confessed that she didn’t have an interest in me beyond fucking. This crushed me and so I declined. In tears I ran home. I felt dirty and useless. A week after this happened, I ran into my ex’s partner. I was angry and upset. She accused me of stealing from her, I told her I had nothing of hers and that she needed to fuck off. I ran to my house and later that night I got a call from my three best friends. they told me that stealing was wrong and I was in the wrong. I tried to explain that I hadn’t stolen anything. They didn’t listen. I cried all night. three days later(today), My best friend texted me and said that she didn’t wanna be friends with me. I cant handle this. It seems so fucking unreal. I just cant. I cant fucking live as the “Token black” or “The gay kid” which is what I’m referred too at school, and I am breaking. I am shattering. I wanna hurt myself or just end things but Im two months clean and Im so proud of myself. What the fuck.
Wow. This was sad to read, but thank you for walking us through your recent experiences. Emotionless hook ups are painful and lead to feeling empty in the end, so good for you for recognizing that and not falling into that.
I have a question for you: do you feel that you have worth regardless of what others think about you?
@DaxMW that’s an awful few weeks thank you for opening up and sharing with us. I hope it helped to ease the pain to share. You have experienced so much loss and emotional pain at once in losing your partner and friends. And on top of this you had to feel rejected by someone trying to use you when you needed support and care. I’m also so proud of you too for staying clean even in the midst of all this heartbreak. You are strong and you will make it through this difficult time. We are here for you