Im not sure how to talk about this cuz I haven’t so I guess I’ll just tell it how I remember it and sorry if I crack dark jokes or get sarcastic Its how I cope with alot of my trauma
So when I first came out as a trans woman when I was 14 I had made a facebook account under my preferred name I ended up in several very dark and abusive relationships then there was the first guy who at the time was 5 years older then me (14) he already had a fiance and she was pregnant to him I was his little side tranny he could “practice being gay with” he would buy me things and treat me nicer then others he would often ask for nudes and and send me nudes while I was at school he was the tamest out of all of them honestly then there was the second guy I ever dated he was a sicko he lived near me at the time and was about 3 years older then me I think we would hang out at his place or in private spots and when ever we got sexual he would make me do his favorite thing to watch which was me sounding my self (I’ll let u Google it and let your respective genitals shrivel and squirm in pain) every time I refused he would verbally assault me or a few times we would get into physical fights I remember my parents asking about a incredibly bright purple bruise in the crook of my elbow from where he had knocked me over and stomped on my arm after him there was a stint where I didn’t date anyone for over 3 years once I turned 18 I went back to trying to experiment with men and often just was treated extremely poorly I have either been treated as a fetish object do to me being trans or as something closeted men feel safe in sleeping with cuz I’m “not a real woman” I’ve had men threaten to kill me and get away with it cuz they would plead the trans panic defense or out ride sexually assault me cuz I didn’t wanna do some kink that made me feel uncomfortable and unsafe to this day I’m worried that if I told anyone I know irl about this I’d be ignored or told I was lying because I pass for male and as we all know masc people can’t be sa victims eye roll…
That feels really good to get out of my system after all these years actually I have told a few friend that I’m a sa victim and survivor but I don’t think Ive told anyone the whole story and I guess I just feel safe enough to tell it here so to who ever has read this thank you