Back to heartsupport

I think it's time to say goodbye

I was searching for easy ways to suicide but google shwed me this website.

Well here I am!

Hi
I’m 28 years old and I suffer from trichotilomania since I was 8.
It means I’m bald for 20 years. And I’m a young girl.

I accepted it. I tried many doctors and treatments. It’s no use. I accept it as part of my destiny.
Well… I have major depression disorder.

I’m not sad.
I am the one who laugh and try to make her friends happy. I’m the heart of every groups.
I’m successful in my field.
I have no regret. I always done what I thought it’s best.

I’m happier in my dreams. I don’t want to wake up.
I think my time has come.
It’s enough. I just want to end it and rest forever.

1 Like

Dear Dazai

It is a battle everyday to deal with mental illness. Even when have we everything and it seem like it not enough. You feeling are justify and it bummer you have disability that make you feel different. However, I want to encourage you to not give up. Know these feeling are overwhelming and thought are just as strong. Reading your post, I can tell you are good person and you deserve to be alive. There is help and it awesome you reach on this site . You can be hear by a ther dealing with similar situation and also check out heartsupport video We are in this together and please stay strong!

Side note
Don’t know if you want into folk music, their artist name molly tuffle she had similar conditions and I feel can relate to her. Check out the song When you are ready. Her music help when I’m sad!!

Again stay strong!

2 Likes

@Dazai

Thank you for being here, creating this account and sharing about what’s going on.

I hear you. And all the disappointment and resignation in your message… It’s a painful spot to be in, one that I’ve learned to know too well through the years. While I never suffered from trichotilomania, I’ve been in this situation of thinking “this is it, this is the moment”, for different reasons. And being deeply okay with it. No regrets, no sadness. Like an armor we create to handle what seems to be unbearable.

You sound to be a kind, compassionate person. A light in this world. I hear your exhaustion. It sounds that you’ve been strong for a very long time. Maybe mostly on your own. I see it. Rest is needed, even for the warriors who face strong battles as you do. But this is not the end of your story. At best, this could be a crossroad in your life. You said you believe that suffering is part of your destiny. What about being here and posting this?

You are not alone. By coming here, you just found a community of allies, ready to stand by your side through this crazy thing called life.

You don’t have to be alone, to wear a mask. Maybe you’re not sad indeed. Though, thinking about ending your life is the manifestation of something deep. It matters. What’s going on in your mind, in your heart, matters too. I don’t know if you ever had any space in your life to share those things, to allow yourself to be vulnerable. But you did the right thing by allowing yourself to do it here. We see you. We’re listening. And we want the best for you.

You have the right to be vulnerable, to say f*ck to the obstacles that you are facing in your life. But please, don’t let them drain the life out of you. You are not defined by those. You are not made of diagnosis. You, your life, your personality… are so much more. I bet all the people who know you and care about you would agree with this. But there’s also your inner life. These battles that don’t always say their name. You just opened a door to this community to actually see it. To see YOU. Just as you are. And I know I’m just a stranger, but I can tell that your heart is beautiful.

Hang in there, Dazai. Allow this pain to exist if it needs to be. Cry, shout, let those things off your chest by writing them down. But please, stay safe. You deserve to take care of yourself. To treat yourself with compassion.

I’d like to know how things are going for you, if that’s okay.

:hrtlegolove:

1 Like

I could be wrong but it sounds like to me from reading your post. That you might actually want the life you know to end. And that you’re tired of just going through the motions and not really living . I can absolutely relate to never wanting to wake up because your dreams feel better than waking life . Try saying goodbye to the old you and hello to the new you . Maybe think of a career change ? Something were you’ll find more Fulfillment for your soul ? Depression is a relentless beast . But keep trying the progress might be slow but eventually you’ll see your growth. I’m here if you want to chat about anything. All my love T :hugs:

1 Like

@Dazai

Here’s to hoping that you see this. I’m glad that Google brought you here! Honestly, it’s one of the best places to be - there is so much support and love here.

2 Likes

Sorry I can’t be there to help, but please remember you’re not alone in your sufferings…

1 Like

@Metalskater1990 @Micro and everyone… Thanks

1 Like

I don’t know any chronically depressed people who have “nice dreams”. I have loads of nightmares myself.

I see.
Someone reported my images and this website deleted my posts.

Please don’t act like you care.
You have no difference from all those people who say “Talk to us. You’re not alone” and then when you try to open up they say “SHUT UP YOU TOXIC”

Don’t act nice.
I’m an artist and I show my feeling using my artworks. I can’t use “words” I “draw” my feeling and YOU JUST DELETE THEM BECAUSE YOU THINK THEY ARE INAPPROPRIATE

Good for you but remember this was as painful as those people who bully me for my depression. You have no difference.

Dear Admin: Don’t hesitate to delete my post or ban my account. Unfortunately I couldn’t find the “Delete account” option in my account setting. So make sure to delete my account yourself. I won’t check this website anymore. Keep acting like nice people.

Hey @Dazai

No one here is calling you toxic. This is a place where anyone can open up. I never got to see your artwork and as an artist myself who too has a mental illness, it can be such a blow when your own artwork is pulled down, destroyed, or anything of that nature. The art piece that we create is apart of us. Art is an extension of ourselves that we push to show the world who we are, what we see, or what we are going through. This is the most beautiful thing about art, being able to express oneself in our own personal way.

I was not the one who pulled it down but can understand certain situations for safety of maybe it could have triggered someone. LIke on our twitch, if we are doing a cooking segment on stream we won’t even use sharp knives because it would be triggering to those that struggle with self-harm. If you want I would love to see your art piece. Connect with me on discord!

Further More. I am so glad you are still with us. I am glad you are alive. I am glad that you are still willing to fight. You should definitely join in the twitch stream today around 3 pm central time at www.twitch.tv/heartsupport where one of our staff members Danjo does an art segment. I will be there with the same screen name here.

I hope this brought some clarity and understanding. I hope you stick around. Love to hear from you and see you on the stream!

-Morgan
-MorganVinHoch
-HS Intern
Hold Fast

2 Likes

@Dazai I haven’t gotten to see your artwork, so if you’d like to connect with me on social media, I’d love to take a peep.

Insta: @justaretiredemokid

1 Like

They probably removed some of your artwork as it could “trigger” others who are having suicidal thoughts. Please try not to take everything personally. And, yes, we are “nice people”