I think I’ve developed an eating disorder. This has been happening for a week or so now, where I’ve convinced myself that I don’t deserve to eat.
It’s 3:17 PM and all I’ve eaten today is half of a granola bar. I regret eating it, too.
I feel like I have a streak or something that I have to keep going.
“Don’t eat, its late in the day and you haven’t eaten yet. You can hit a new record.”
I’m already skinny enough, and I’m getting more and more underweight by the day.
I know its not normal, but it feels so good.
I smile for the first time in a week when I make it to the end of the day without eating.
Yes, it sounds like you have a challenge ahead of you. Loss of appetite and euphoria are symptoms of going without eating. Your appetite will return when you start eating again.
@midarii
First off I am so sorry you are struggling with an ED. I personally have struggled with one because I just keep going on and on with my day and got extremely busy to the point I would just keep going on that item or thing rather then the fact of stopping to eat. It is not an easy thing because you are struggling to get stuff in you that is important. I have also come to the realization that I am falling back into my own issues I have struggled to feel like why not just not eat its easier and than hey I loose weight. But let me say this I had to take baby steps to find away to eat even small things. I would leave something near my desk that I like. Or find friends who would encourage me and remind me to eat. Perhaps find something that is able to do that for you. I know sometimes it can be that you make a sticker chart. For every time you eat a meal you add a sticker or if you eat a snack etc… but this encourages you to see the progress. I know it may be good for you to feel like hey I didnt eat today and you smile but a big thing is to change what you see food as. Dont let it be this not good thing but rather something that is important to you and your well being. I think that it also might be wise to get to the idea of why you feel that this idea of not eating is so pleasing to you. It would be a good idea to ask yourself why do I want to not eat. Is it that idea that hey I know this is good because I am hurting myself in some way or is it the idea of that weight issue. Sadly that is a struggle for many. For me it became just too hard to eat. So I kind of let it slip.
We are here for you. I hope that you know you can reach out to us.
2/2 what has helped me when I struggle is just first savouring food, taste, and especially being alone while eating, that helps a lot, distract yourself while eating. And after eating, surround yourself with people. I can’t give you the answers, because sometimes…it takes a complete change of surrounding to grab yourself out. Only you can get out, no matter how many people you have around you, you will be the one to recover
i’m proud of you to be vulnerable and sharing your story with us. while i don’t suffer from an eating disorder, i do experience an addiction of 16 years and understand your perspective of these harmful things being “rewards” or they feel good. your worth is so much more than u believe right now. i am fully rooting for you to reach your next steps in your journey, whichever path you take. please take care of yourself, my friend, & never forget that you make this world a stronger place
midarii, thank you for taking the time to share your story with us. I hope you know that you are loved independently of your physical appearance, and that there are people here online and elsewhere that genuinely want the best for you, even though we’ve never met you. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin, and more importantly you deserve the nutrients and energy to live a happy and full life. I really encourage you to see a professional to talk about your thoughts in more d
3 it’s good to be scientific as well, look at your bmr, calculate what you burn legit sitting on your bum, you’ll learn that 500 calories will not make you gain weight, learn about how many calories each organ burns too, that’s another thing to do
@midarii
Hey there, the guys responded to your topic on the twitch stream today. Sorry the video is long, couldnt find the exact end point of the topic response. Hold Fast.
I was watching the stream today but didn’t have the chance to reply so I wanted to do so now.
I’m sorry you are struggling. I have struggled with food as well. For me it will be that my body forgets to send hunger signals to my brain. In the past, I’ve gone a week without sustenance because of it. When you remember food you think that you don’t really need it since your body isn’t begging for food. But I promise you that regardless of what your mind or body pretends to tell you regarding your food intake that your mind and body both need the nutrition to be able to function and you deserve a functioning body. Whether or not you think you deserve to eat (which you do) you deserve a functioning body and that will not continue without sustenance.
Perhaps you can try to make a different goal with food so that you can have different records you try to reach. For me, I try to get food into my system before certain times each day so that I feel like I have accomplished something that I know is helping me be healthy. For you, maybe you could carry granola bars or some other snack with you and try to eat at least one bite every certain amount of time (every half hour for instance) and you can see how many of those scheduled feedings you can manage to keep to in a row. And as you increase your record you could increase the difficulty by making the schedule more frequent or adding more required bites each time.
I don’t know you but I care about you and I hope you find a way to be happy putting food back in your life. I wish you the best and I hope you keep us in mind during your journey <3