I think my half brothers mother neglects home and abuses him. And she’s marrying a woman beater. I don’t know what to do. My mom refuses to call CPS, which is stupid, and I might as well call, but I don’t know weather or not she will act differently with CPS there. What should I do?
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Is there a reason your mom doesn’t want to call? Does she just want to stay out of it or is it something else?
Barring whatever your answer is to that, and this is just a personal opinion, but I think it would be better to report it yourself. The long term side effects from abuse are terrible, as many in this community know, and if he is being abused, it will help to get him help sooner, so he can try to heal from it. When you report, they should keep it anonymous. They’ll want to know everything that makes you think he’s being abused and neglected. Even if CPS doesn’t find anything when they investigate, his mother will be on their radar. If you suspect it keeps happening, report again. If you’re finding bruises on him, find a way to document it (usually pictures) and write down everything that happens that makes you think he’s being neglected and abused. Don’t create stories to make it seem worse. Unfortunately, his mother marrying a “wife beater” isn’t evidence. They need to be able to “see” the abuse.
As they say, it’s better to be safe than sorry. If he is being abused, and I’m assuming he’s still pretty young, he needs someone who is willing to fight for him to get out of that situation and hopefully into a better one.
I hope someone else can give you another perspective on this.
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Scarlette, I am sorry to hear that you are in this position. Calling CPS is never an easy thing to do, but it sounds like in this case, it may be needed. If you suspect abuse is happening and nobody around you is doing anything, don’t feel like you shouldn’t take it upon yourself to help the person who is being abused. If you are in the US, every state has a system to respond to reports of suspected child abuse or neglect, and each state has trained professionals who use the info they receive to evaluate the situation and respond appropriately. Do not be afraid to use these resources, as that is what they are there for.
If you see that he is showing signs of abuse (bruises, scars, wearing long-sleeved clothing, wearing bandages, etc.) then it may be worth it to document these instances to help show CPS that there are visible signs of physical abuse.
Ultimately, I do not think that calling CPS would be a waste of time or would make the situation worse.
Best of luck to you.
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She wants to have custody of him and wants to figure something else out first. She says she’ll call as a last resort, but I’m still rightfully concerned.
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So CPS looks for close family who will take the kids in before getting them put into the system. Or at least that’s what they’re supposed to do. I don’t know if they would consider your mom to take him. I’m assuming you’re underage (less than 18) and he wouldn’t be allowed to be put in your care in that case. She has valid concerns on where he’ll be going if CPS gets involved and takes him, but even so, somewhere else where he isn’t abused is better than one where he is. If she does get him, there will be appointments with CPS to make sure he’s doing good in your mom’s care. Plus there’s a chance CPS will put him back with his mother. And then the process starts over again.
I don’t know how bad the situation is, only you and your family know how bad it is. It sounds like this is something that you and your mom need to work together on, so you’re on the same page for what’s happening and so you know what progress is being made. All I can suggest is to talk to someone (a professional like a social worker or whatever who works in the industry) to find out options, and maybe make sure she could get him if he gets taken away from his mother. Maybe your mom could talk to a lawyer, if she’s that serious on taking him. She might have to pay to get advice. But it might be worth it.
I understand that she wants him, but you’re right. You have a right to be concerned. Sometimes what we want isn’t as important as what’s needed in the moment. I hope that you both can figure this out soon. But your concerns are valid, and don’t hesitate to call CPS if you think you need to.
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My mom is really only his mom’s best friend. I’m not sure if it’s worse when I’m not around, but she neglects him to the point where he spit on a teacher at his preschool to get attention because the git doesn’t even get off her damn phone long enough to feed him properly. I used to live with her and my dad before my brother was born and she verbally/emotionally abused me(i.e told me that I wasn’t good enough because my mom is black, called me the n-word and said that I and my mom belonged in a zoo) and apparently is abusing her own flesh and blood. I don’t even think he’s had a proper bath in a while. I’m underage, and despite the fact that even though I, a minor would be a better parent than my ex-step mom, I’m unequiped to raise a child. She is just horrible and I’m still kind of mad that she called me the n-word, even though it was going on 7 years ago.
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Whether she realizes it or not, both the child and the mother are in danger if she’s marrying a wife beater. I suspect she has some kind of mental illness as well. I agree with what everyone here has said about calling CPS.
Often, there are telltale behaviors, that CPS looks for, that are indications that a child is being abused. CPS might actually hook her up with a therapist.
I know this must be hard for you.
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I am so sorry you are experiencing this, I went through something very similar. I went in CPS building myself and reported what was going on. Yes your mom will get angry and may even try and retaliate but it’s good to report. It is a very scary thing to do but it’ll be on file and paperwork too in case things escalate and police are needed etc. Paper trails are the only way to really help him and CPS is the first step. I’ll pray for you and your brother
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