I thought I was going to have a good day

[anon14688970]

I thought I was going to end this day on a good one, I was actually happy today, but nope, my mom’s husband decided to be creepy again.
I thought maybe it was over, maybe I was just in my head, nope, what a stupid assumption.
I cannot fathom to tell you how much it scares me to be around this freak. I’m the only one that sees it because everyone in this family is fucking stupid and oblivious to literally everything.
No one ever notices but me. Always. Me.
I hate this, now I just want to die again. I hate living here. I hate this thing existing. I just want to be happy, I just want to feel safe. Why… why does it have to happen again. Why do these freaks exist. Why do they do these things.
I can’t be wrong.
I couldn’t be wrong.
I always have to act like nothing happened, I always have to act completley normal.
I don’t even know if I’m overreacting because idk wtf is real or not anymore.
Shut my doors/ lock my doors, I’m never fucking allowed to anymore because they think I’m going to kill myself. I’m locking my fucking doors tonight fuck this shit, fuck this family, fuck this this creepy motherfucker, fuck this house, no one ever listens to me. I’ve told my sister, she just wrote me off as “paranoid”. I want to tell my grandmother but she’d freak out. She already hates him and doesn’t trust him but if she knew… She’d make a big deal out of it, and what if it is in my head? But I can’t be seeing and hearing things. Why does the mf do it in front of people, wtf. Kill him. I just want him dead. Please just die. I made a mistake thinking I might be safe here, if there is a god please kill this parasite. Please. Please, please…

But no, my wish is never answered because there is no god.
I’m scared… I’m really scared…
I just want to get out of here. Please…

-X

[joykit]

I’m so sorry to hear this @anon14688970

I hope you are able to reach out to your Grandma or another trusted adult - even a doctor. What you are feeling and going through matters and it’s not alright.

All you need to do is share your truth. Share what happened and how it made you feel. It’s scary and I understand wanting to avoid the confrontation and chaos but it’s the right thing to do. You deserve to be safe.

Even if your mom’s husband doesn’t mean to make you feel this way or there’s some kind of misunderstanding it doesn’t matter - you need to tell someone and he needs to stop. It is not your job or responsibility to protect HIM, it’s his job as an adult in your life to make sure he’s not deliberately or even accidentally making you feel unsafe.

I believe you that what he is doing is wrong. The only reason I am even bringing up the “unintentional” angle is as a worst case scenario since you worried about being wrong and causing problems. Again, even if that WAS the case, it is not your job to protect him and he needs to be aware of how you feel and knock that shit out.

Please be safe, please take care of yourself and please reach out to your Grandma or someone else who will listen and step in on your behalf. Even if it’s just letting you stay with them a while. I’m so sorry you are going through this

[anon14688970]

Thank you, I just can’t take this.

I sort of confronted him a few months ago but more towards my sister, and he said he doesn’t want to hurt anyone he stopped being creepy for a good bit, but now it’s started up again like he thinks he’s under the radar.

It scares me, I was just starting to feel comfortable in wearing what I wanted and now I catch staring and then today whatever tf he was doing in front of me and my mom in the living room deliberately trying to hide it.

My mom says he wouldn’t ever hurt anyone, and he doesn’t want to get arrested. But like, they always say that. They always make shit up like that.

If I told my grandma she would not only lose her shit, but probably rush in to get him arrested, and like you said, it could be unintentional. It’s just, he does that thing where he looks over to us like he’s seeing if we notice and then doing shit. I think I’m going to visit my grandmother after Christmas, go home with her bc I don’t want to deal with this bs again. Even if she’s unaccepting of me she still loves me and is willing to try in her own way. Sometimes I think about moving in with them. But who’s to say I get creeped out by someone else who lives there. My family is full of oddities.

It hoenstly drives me insane. Sometimes I’ll legitimately want to kill him, mind me also wanting to see him going through a deep torture that only I could describe. It makes me lose my mind, and then my mom gets mad at me for hating him. She has married two pedos previously, and one was my dad, and she was dumb enough to marry him even though for those 3 years he never allowed her into his house. The more I think about it as I got older I started to realize what he could have been doing at that house and that terrifies me the most. I just don’t understand why my family isnt smart enough to connect these dots, you don’t even have to have a high iq for this it’s basic average common sense and red flags. So, I can’t just brush off that this mf is just a little odd. I honestly can’t take it.

At the end of the day though, it’s been happening for years, so eventually you learn to get over it as much as you can, and forget until it happens again.

Im gonna have to get up and get my clothes out the laundry rn, meaning I have to go into the living room. It’s tough but I really have no choice, I have to suck it up.

-X

[joykit]

The fact that you’ve already confronted him and he IS aware of how he is making you feel and yet persists is reason enough to move forward and tell someone.

That took incredible guts to do and I’m really proud of you for letting him know how you felt about how he treats you and your sister.

Considering your mom’s previous history of partner choices I think you have every right to be on the lookout for similar behavior and it’s even more reason that he needs to be (and be held) responsible for his actions and how he makes you feel.

I hope you are able to spend some time with your Grandma and that you are able to share some of your feelings with her. She may have a good perspective or a plan of how to get you out of the house and keep you safe.

Again, please please please don’t put yourself in harms way to protect your mom’s husband. ESPECIALLY since you’ve already done the immeasurably brave thing of telling him how he made you feel so he’s not unaware.

Please remember that if you tell your Grandma what he is doing and how it makes you feel you are not jumping to conclusions or “getting him in trouble” you are just stating your truth. If he’s done something worthy of being arrested then I hope the bastard gets locked up but either way YOU deserve to be in a safe situation and feel comfortable in your home. I am sorry your mom isn’t stepping up to be that person for you but I hope someone is able to intervene on your behalf.

You are brave and strong and he will get what’s coming to him - but whatever happens it is NOT on you. You don’t need to protect him and you also don’t need to hurt him - you just look out for yourself and tell the truth and the rest will fall where it needs to.

[anon14688970]

X: Idk, I just wanna enjoy Christmas man.

K:
Hey, Im one of Xaiis brothers, my name’s Kio. We are what you call a system, I’m a headmate, we are plural which means having more than one person in the mind, so it’s a bit different from your average brother but it doesn’t change anything. but that sums it up for now. I came here to talk for him because I don’t want him putting this all on himself.

Anyways! The way it was confronted was a bit different than you think. In the situation Xaii broke down and threatened creepo not to hurt our sister from a joke they made, the joke wasn’t exactly intended in a bad way but Xaii was on his last straw so he was losing it and wasn’t going to put up with disrespect of his sister. So it was a bit different than you think, but our mom’s husband responded with saying he wouldn’t ever hurt us or our sister. We bought it because he seemed to mean it, but now it’s gotten weird again.

In the past before marriage with our mom, he was also required to tell Xaii the same thing when we were about 11 or 12 because of the previous marriages my mom has had as Xaii stated. Back then we also bought that but as Xaii got older he became more afraid because he was getting older. That’s when things started to change, and we noticed oddities we had not before in the guy or they were brought up around this time. So in esscence, the main goal is to gtfo of this house. Whether it’s unintentional or not.

We’re hoping he’s just a creep but has enough control to not physically hurt someone. Xaii doesn’t buy that though. If we are lucky though, he’s just really fucking weird, but, having this many incidents it can’t just be called odd coincidences anymore. There’s a point where you have to put up red flags.

Xaii would talk more about this, but it’s a bit too much for him, plus it’s easier for him to just forget or else he will become overparanoid from it stop eating and lose his shit again. We are already at stage 2 of that cycle.

In my own opinoin: the dudes fucking weird. I’ve tried to tolerate it myself and try to explain that it may just be misunderstandings but as time went on I began to hate him myself. Another member of the system agrees it’s creepy but we can’t really say anything if it’s just a misunderstanding. It’s creepy and all, but all we can do is protect since we don’t have specific proof. And usually when we do it’s written off as unintentional. But that doesn’t mean we should just let things fly under the radar.

For now we are trying our best to just distract ourselves, as we hate thinking about this.

-X & K

[Sita]

hi Kio, hey Xaii,

Could you get a secret camera that you install in your room and dont let anyone else know about it (maybe your sister if she’s cool,) you can switch it off when you change or need private time or whatever, otherwise keep it on so that you have objective proof if anyone ever tries to get into your room, esp if they dont want you to/you can’t lock your door anymore.

There is understandable level of suspicion you as a system would have, and i know it gets really hard for Xaii to always handle these fears about people being creepos and weirdos.

I really hope that you can go with your grandmother, it sounds like it could be physically safer, and that would be a big relief for you, even if she doesn’t understand the rest of things. It’d be great if Xaii could be somewhere where he can get some rest and come back down a level too.

Thanks for explaining things to us, it sounds like a messy and uncomfortable situation. Could you tell your family that you have no reason to off yourself, no threat of that, once you can use your room to feel safe.

that is, if you feel safe locked in to your room, then there will be no reason for you to try to escape life. so ask them to let you barricade yourself when you’re going to sleep, and then be able to sleep a bit more securely? Would something like that have a good result?

So sorry that your mom has had such a terrible track record of partners and doesn’t seem to get it. Hoping you can be safe until you’re able to get out and go somewhere I hope you’re safer. Sending all the best vibes I can!!