First I want to apologize for being a terrible member of this community, and being a pathetic excuse for a human being. I’m sorry that I made 2 support wall posts in one day, I know I don’t deserve love and support, and I’m a failure and a disappointment to this community, and I’m sorry. Just know that all of you are loved and amazing people, and your lives matter.
Today is the day I threw it all away. I made a promise to myself, and a promise to others that I would stay clean from pills and self harm, well guess what in a matter of minutes it was all thrown away. It started with self harm, it lead to pills, and now I’m sitting here… pissed, pissed being an understatement. Ready to give up, because honestly I have nothing worth fighting for anymore. There’s people in this community that I love and care about so freaking much.
I continue to fail this community, my support group, the people I love, and the people that love me. And honestly it’s the story of my life! Obviously recovery isn’t going to happen, and I’m just a failure and a fuck up. My parent’s have been telling me this for the past 21 years of my life, but yet I never listened. I’ve heard all these peoples for years telling me this world would be a better place without me, and that I should just end it all. And I’ve tried so freaking hard to ignore these people, but yet their other words still stand true… That’s I’m worthless… a failure ugly… a no good piece of shit…
I just don’t know what to do anymore guys… I can’t keep living life this way… everyone says well monkey start trying… stop relapsing… guys I wish you guys realized how freaking hard I’m trying. And I know I’m a freaking disappointment and I’m sorry. Just know that I love all of you! Just let me go… and I will walk away… no hard feelings… and this community will move on without me! Love you guys always!
Hold fast, You’re Worth It,