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Belongs to: Therapist Cry's While Listening to Wings of Maria Pt 1 and 2 by Tool
I’ve been a Tool fan for years. My mom was diagnosed with Lupus when she was in her early twenties and lived with it for over 20 years. She passed away just last November. I avoided hearing these two songs for months. Even when I was ready, it still hit me all like a car crash. My mom wasn’t a quitter and lived her life to the fullest. The strongest woman I’ll probably ever know
I am so sorry for your loss. I know that couldn’t have been easy. With it being so recently as November, that wound is still fresh. Lupus is such a horrible disease that can so devastate a person’s health.
No matter how we try to prepare for a loved-one’s death when we know its coming, nothing really can prepare us for that crash. My mom fought with stage 4 colon cancer for a year and a half before it took her. Even though I knew she wouldn’t have long, I convinced myself the sickness wasn’t real and she would be here forever. It is really hard to face the facts.
It hit me like a train crash when it happened. Nothing prepares you for that day.
Your mom sounds like an amazing human being and it is so special that she truly made every day count living it to the full! You can hold on to all the beautiful things she was and all the ways she poured out love into her world. <3 Thanks for reaching out to Heart Support! We are here for you!
I’m so sorry you lost your mom, friend, especially after she fought Lupus for so long. When someone you love battles an illness for years, it’s like you’re living in two realities - one where you’re hoping and holding on, and another where you’re preparing for the possibility of losing them. When that day finally comes, it’s like the ground has been ripped out from under you. The person who was such a big part of your life, your support, your comfort, is suddenly not there, and you’re left to live with this huge void in your life. It’s the loss of all the little things… her voice, her laugh, her presence in your daily life that made everything feel right, or at least more meaningful and vibrant.
Through my own journey, I can relate to what you’ve described somehow. I lost my brother after he fought his own battles with health struggles a couple of years ago now. Watching him go through everything with strength, resilience, and just a huge capacity to keep his humor intact while being in pain, is something that I will keep on carrying with me - just like your mom did for you. At times, it certainly shapes how I face challenges in my own life. They leave a legacy of courage and determination that stays with us, even after they’re gone. While the pain of losing them never fully goes away, their example gives us something to hold on to… a reminder of how they lived and how much they meant to us. And there is something beautiful in sharing their own voice with the rest of the world too.
It’s unfair though when people who mean so much to us and actually craved for life had their own taken away so brutally. It shouldn’t be that way. It makes sense to feel at times as if you were realizing for the very first time, all over again, that she is gone. Grief does come in waves, and sometimes, even years later, the waves are still incredibly intense. We learn to compose with their absence, but the pain we carry remains at the measure of the love we hold for two.
