I’m just gunna get to the point.
I want to die.
Every single day I pretend that everything’s okay whilst having abuse hurled at me by my sisters and parents, today it just went too far… I can’t handle it. I stacked up a load of pills ready to take… A whole prescription worth of Prozac (about 52 pills), codeine, my current meds and ibuprofen (which I’m allergic to), but, part of me obviously had a slight moment of hope because I messaged someone for help.
A few weeks ago I agreed to start eating 1 meal a day and I’ve been doing that… to an extent. It’s mostly just takeaway and junk. I know that not eating properly, not taking my meds as I should be and slacking on my meetings is a big part of why I feel so bad, but the thing is, I don’t care about what happens to me anymore. The only reason I do anything remotely healthy is because the person supporting me at the time took the damn choice away. I hate that I put those people in that position because it should be my choice, but, left upto me I would probably be dead. Tonight would have certainly ended differently. I can’t believe I deserve any of the love I get from here - I don’t know how to start. If my parents and siblings can’t love me, why should anyone else? I don’t want a repeat of tonight but they’re getting more frequent. I don’t want to leave the people that love me - but I can’t stop thinking about suicide and how much I hate myself.