I’m just gunna get to the point.
I want to die.
Every single day I pretend that everything’s okay whilst having abuse hurled at me by my sisters and parents, today it just went too far… I can’t handle it. I stacked up a load of pills ready to take… A whole prescription worth of Prozac (about 52 pills), codeine, my current meds and ibuprofen (which I’m allergic to), but, part of me obviously had a slight moment of hope because I messaged someone for help.
A few weeks ago I agreed to start eating 1 meal a day and I’ve been doing that… to an extent. It’s mostly just takeaway and junk. I know that not eating properly, not taking my meds as I should be and slacking on my meetings is a big part of why I feel so bad, but the thing is, I don’t care about what happens to me anymore. The only reason I do anything remotely healthy is because the person supporting me at the time took the damn choice away. I hate that I put those people in that position because it should be my choice, but, left upto me I would probably be dead. Tonight would have certainly ended differently. I can’t believe I deserve any of the love I get from here - I don’t know how to start. If my parents and siblings can’t love me, why should anyone else? I don’t want a repeat of tonight but they’re getting more frequent. I don’t want to leave the people that love me - but I can’t stop thinking about suicide and how much I hate myself.
I probably can’t stop and although I do think you should. I respect you enough. Your loved. And you helped people so much here. You helped me through my meltdown til the day my uncle died and I was lost and confused. I want you to know that meant a lot.
You said if you have a voice telling you to have hope. Keep it please
It sounds like you are really hurting. Thank you for coming here and sharing this. You are very strong to reach out for help when you know you aren’t doing well and I am so glad that you did. I can see you are a very loving person and that you care for your loved ones. I hope you can see that you are worthy of love and I hope you know that we as a community love and value you. We are so glad that you are with us and I am so glad that you are still fighting. I know those thoughts can sometimes be so loud that nothing positive can make its way through, but I want you to know that I believe in you and I know you can fight through this.
Thank you for sharing, I’m so sorry that you’re going through so much pain and hurting so much. I’m so proud of you for reaching out for help. We are here for you. And we love you. You’re such a huge part of this community, you matter so much. Your life have so much value and so much worth. Keep reaching out for help, we are always here for you. Be strong!