Back to heartsupport

I’ve hit rock bottom


#1

You all thought I was doing great… that life was well… that I was healthy… that I was okay… but nobody really reached out minus one or two. They never knew the pain I felt inside.

But now the pain has become too much to bear. I’m back on pills. Back self harming everyday and well I feel safer now doing that then I have in the last couple of months. At least I can control my pain, cause god fucking forbid if I’m struggling and need someone to talk to I’m stuck and can’t reach out.

I can’t do it anymore. I have no reason really to continue on. I graduate in a month and couldn’t give a fuck less if I tried. I’m over it. I’m over being alone and nobody caring or giving two shits. I’m over fighting in this life alone.

You guys were like oh go see a therapist go get into groups. Guess what guys I am, guess what hasn’t really helped. Has seemed to hurt me more in the last several weeks than it’s helped. Imagine being outted by your entire support group. Yeah it’s great. Anyways I don’t know why I posted here but whatever I guess


#2

Hey there, so I know we haven’t really talked but I know the pain of being outed I’m groups and group therapy. I used to get made fun of for my feelings and what not so i understand. I understand the self harm and numbing the pain with pills. I spent 2 years in rehab because of my addictions and shit never got better. It doesn’t do anything but temporarily numb the pain but the feelings are still there. Trust me please. I know you’re hurting and it seems like things won’t ever get better but i promise they will soon. Everything turns around. Idk how to send a private message but if you send one I can give you my email or cell or both and try to help if you’d like. Please don’t give up and lose hope. I believe in you and I believe things will get better for you.


#3

You posted here because you know that there is still hope, and you’re searching everywhere you can to find it. It may not seem like people care and I totally get that, but I definitely do. I’m not on here nearly as much as I should be, but this community is really important to me and I want the best for you.

That said, this sucks. I’m sorry that communities and people who are supposed to help you are not doing a good job of it. Seeing a therapist is something I often recommend because I know it can help in an ideal situation. However, there are many times when it doesn’t help or even sometimes when it’s harmful. I do still strongly encourage you to find a therapist that works well for you. I have not had a very helpful therapist until the one I am seeing now, who has helped more than I could have even imagined. I know that seems like something someone would say just to sound encouraging but I’m not joking. Therapists I have seen in the past didn’t help all that much, but my therapist now has helped me start to solve problems and mental battles that I didn’t even know I had going in. Same thing with groups. I don’t think I’ve found a group as helpful as my therapist now, but I have certainly had groups more helpful than others. If your group isn’t helping or is making things worse, don’t feel like you have to stay there. Try finding another group that helps more. Way easier said than done, but I guess my point is to not give up searching for people who really care and can help.

I’m sorry if you feel like this community is not really helping, and I can’t speak for others but I’m not on here often so I probably don’t help that much. But again, I really do care, and I encourage you to not give up on finding the right people. The right people REALLY do change everything – the right therapist, groups, and friends especially. People who get you and who care. I understand how hard it is to do life without those people, but those people exist. I know you can find them. I hope this is encouraging. I believe in you and I know you are strong enough to do this.


#4

Hi. Thank you for sharing.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. There is still hope, there always will be.
You’re not fighting alone. We are here for you. I’m sorry your support grouted ousted you. I’m sorry nobody reached out. I’m sorry if you feel like the community has failed you. We still love you and you’re still in our thoughts even if we don’t always pop up on your messages.
I think deep down you do care, and you do have hope, and you do want to get better. Just because you stumbled does not mean you’re finished.
Saying you can’t reach out and that nobody cares is a lie, and I want to call that out. Some truths to think about are you are not alone, you are not stuck, you are loved. The pain you feel is felt by many, and it does not define you. You pills and self harming habits do not define you. You are better than that.

I love you
Hang in there friend,
Jaden