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I’ve lost my faith

For a long time my faith is what kept me going. I’ve had a rough life and my mental health has steadily gotten worse as I’ve aged. Now I have physical disabilities on top of that, and it all would be ok but I don’t have hope anymore.

I used to get through things thinking it’s okay because life is meant to be a struggle, a growing experience, and that afterwards when we die there’s something more. Eternal life, rest, peace, being with God and loved ones forever. Over the past five or so years, my fears have taken over me and I don’t know what to do anymore

I’m so terrified of death yet at the same time I struggle with suicidal ideation. I’m so scared there’s nothing there afterwards. I’m so scared of losing the loved ones I do have. My SO is literally the only reason I haven’t killed myself yet and the thought of death being the end leaves me terrified and on the verge of tears and a mental breakdown every second of every day of my life. I’ll sit here planning out every detail of how I’ll kill myself and the letters I’ll right before I do if something were ever to happen to him and at the same time have a breakdown thinking about what if’s and how I’m so scared of their being nothing.

I pray and beg for some answer. I’m not asking for a miracle I just want that reassurance back. I’m so scared all the time. I’m so so so so scared. I can’t live like this but I can’t die like this either, I’m terrified.

I’ve had to deal with so much pain and loss in my life and before I felt like it was okay because in the end I’d be able to be with my loved ones again. Now I just feel empty and cold and alone. I don’t know what to do. I used to have so much faith. I just beg if there is a God please please let me know you’re there. If you’re religious or spiritual please send a little prayer for me. If you’re not, please send any good vibes. I hurt so much lately I don’t know what to do anymore and I’m so exhausted. I just want that one comfort back.


Hey, I’m sorry that you’re going through this. God is there and He loves you. Last week I was feeling lost, too. I was so scared. I used to go to sleep with fear and wake up in fear. I was scared of eternity. I want to be a good child. I prayed, and my prayers were answered. I still think and sometimes it comes like a wave of fear, but that is the devil who wants to put us down. Jesus loves us so much that he died on the cross for us. I will pray for you. When I’m down I I watch these videos. It helps me. I hope it will help you too
I also think about this verse “The Lord is greater than the giants you face” 1 John 4:4 God bless you, and keep fighting! You are not alone.

I’m in LITERALLY the EXACT SAME SHOES you are in right now. So all I have to say is thank you so much for posting this on the wall, because I really have been in battle and thinking literally no one was understanding me. Seriously I appreciate you posting, and I’m glad I seen this and that were fighting TOGETHER, the good fight of FAITH.

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Continue to hold onto to the little faith you have left, as stated in scripture the faith of a mustard seed can move a mountain. Here is your sign right now from God while reading your comment this song came on ( and no I did not play the song or request it to be played on my phone) The song is called “Hold On” by Kierra Sheared" . The lyrics " How you gone respond when they try to test your faith … but hang on. I am in pain as well right now and not to scare you but those thoughts of suicide is from the Devil ( I face them as well). He wants you to throw the towel in on your life and he wants to destroy your peace!!! But let me tell you as long as you have breath GOD wanted you to be alive because he has a purpose for you even if you dont know what it is right now. Praise the Lord and come humbly before him in repentance and seeking his guide in life, even through this tough situations watch the Lord reveal himself to you ( Best experience you can ever get on this earth)!!! If you come to Jesus Christ you will no longer have to worry about your eternal resting place. He goes to prepare a place for you as stated in the scripture: John 14:2-3 "In My Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I am going away to prepare a place for you?"Coming to God is a win win situation. He is close to those who are mourning… And he stands at the door and knock ( Just let him into your life and watch what he can do for you… he can give you a peace that passes all understanding. Ill pray for you and I hope your circumstances get better!! Instead of writing letters on suicidal thoughts write plans and goals of what you want out of life and pray on them and try to achieve it. Find something you like to do! You are loved by God and as you stated you have loved ones who love your life is precious and you have a purpose!

2Timothy 4:6 For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time of my departure is at hand.I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. From now on the crown of righteousness is laid up for me, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but to all who crave His appearing."

Because of your state of mind please respond it could be with just one word ( if you have the time and dont mind) I just want to make sure you are alright!

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Hi friend, I too have battled with my faith. To a point I have felt completely detached from it. There’s been a lot of hurt in my life and left me feeling abandoned by God and caused me to struggle in my faith. I remember sitting in my car one night years ago, crying and begging that if there was a God, to please just show me a sign. Some sort of reassurance so I could feel less alone. Less conflicted.

My heart was broken and lost and I didn’t know what to think or believe. I was terrified that how I felt was wrong. Like you I was afraid of death. I didn’t know what to think, do or believe.

I understand this pain.

For me, I have found healing on the matter, In the last few years. But I don’t want to overly share in that because I don’t know if it’ll be helpful to you. But I do want you to know that you aren’t alone in this.

I’m sending you so much love. And I truly hope that you are able to find peace within your heart with this and find the closure and answers that you need.

Stay strong sweet friend

  • Kitty