Today I learned that one of my old best friends passed away on August 31st. We used to play WoW together. We were best friends. Yeah we faded apart but we reconnected… and now he’s gone. He got hit by a car while he was riding his bike. He died on impact.
When my sister told me it was like it was nothing- it didn’t really affect her. I was surprised. I couldn’t believe it. And now I keep crying on and off. I can’t believe he’s gone.
There was a guy I was talking to. But it’s over. The thing is I really really liked him- I never met him face to face so maybe that’s silly. But I really liked him. I really cared. It hurts. He wasn’t rude or anything, it just is what it is. But I have a feeling he got back with his ex, just a lot pointed to it. So it’s like I was just a side the whole time. It took my mom 9 months to make my heart and I’m trying to not let a boy break it in two seconds, but it’s been hard.
Right now all of my grandparents are going down hill.
My grandfather with Alzheimer’s was really out of it today; he keeps talking about being ready to go. How he wants to be with Elvis in heaven. It’s worrisome because people themselves know when they are going to go before others do.
My grandmother has been in the hospital, she got discharged yesterday. She’s still not okay, and my mom said she doesn’t see my grandmother making it to the end of the year. She’s been doing so bad.
My other grandfather is in and out of the hospital. He will probably be back in the hospital in a few weeks because he just gets going again, and he pushes himself too hard. It’s a cycle.
By the end of the year it’s looking likely that I won’t have any grandparents left. I’m trying to stay positive and love the time I have with them, but it’s hard when you know that things are really bad for them.
I’ve been struggling with feeling like I fit in, I feel like I’m losing friends. I’m distancing myself. I’m isolating. I know a lot of people I used to be so close with, but we aren’t now. I’m fall back into the “there are more important people than me” mindset.
I miss my friend. I’m sad to lose someone who I thought would be my first relationship. It’s sad to see my grandparents be not okay. I miss my friends.