Hi guys I’ve made it to 12 hours. I didn’t want to say anything earlier because I didn’t want to disappoint you guys if I failed. But I made it. 12 hours I’ll tell you guys tomorrow if I make a day.
That’s so wonderful! Feels good right?
I’ve never been disappointed in you and I’m pretty sure no one here has either. We are just concerned and care about you. We want to see you healthy.
I wish it felt good but it’s more of a neutral feelings. Actually I’m numb at the moment. You guys might not be disappointed in me but I was disappointed in myself. Heck I’m still disappointed in myself. I shouldn’t have attempted and after I attempted I shouldn’t have hurt myself. Let’s hope by the time I wake I’m not numb and are proud of myself
I have only just seen this post but that is brilliant. I am so proud of you and I hope by the time you read this you are too.
Hey @Paladine, first of all, congratulations. And I will keep congratulating you as long as you are trying.
My vices are not the same, but I understand that relapses can make people feel horrible. I recently found myself spiralling back into old patterns, and loathed myself for it. But in the end, the only way to succeed is to try, and try again. There will be moments where we fail, and moments where we go back to our old ways, because there is comfort in them even when they are dangerous and unhealthy. Healing takes time.
Hopefully with this attempt, you will make it longer. And longer.
Failure is a part of the process. But in the end, failure is not defeat, giving up is, and from what I’m reading, you’re still trying.
I hope you feel better by now
I’m still not proud. I’ve nearly gone a day without doing and I still don’t feel proud. I don’t feel anything. Good or bad. I just feel numb
I don’t feel better but thank you. I’ve been trying for about a year now and being clean most of it has been hard in me
It’s okay to feel numb. Learning to be proud of our efforts is really a learning process that takes time. Right now, your focus and energy are on maintaining your efforts and to keep on being safe. It’s okay.
Know that we are proud of you anyway. Trying, getting back on your feet, not letting yourself defeated is extremely strong and brave. Thank you for not giving up on you.
We believe in you. Even when you don’t. That’s also what friends are.
That’s awesome @Paladine you’re doing great.
One day at a time, friend. Baby steps will get us there.
It’s hard to take it one step at the time when I’ve been trying for a year maybe two now. It’s been so hard. I wish I never hurt myself
It is hard but every minute you go without hurting yourself is progress. and if you give in, then start over.
36 hours. Yay. Still hoping that the pride I got last time comes back sometime.
Awesome! I know you will feel it just stay strong and keep doing what you’re doing
I hope I do because sometimes that’s all that keeps me clean. Maybe I should tell my friends that I’m clean. It might help but I don’t want disappoint them when I break. I can’t tell my parents because they think I’ve been clean for over a year so haha that’s a lost cause.
What would happen if you told your parents? Do you think they would try and get you help?
I don’t know. They probably would but it would hurt them so much to tell them that I have been lying it them for over a year that I’m still clean. They think that I’m fine in every way at the moment. Heck they don’t even know that I have been have worst depression than ever. I can’t tell them. I cant
What would make them feel worse? Knowing all this time you were suffering and probably be pretty upset with themselves for not seeing signs. Or being honest with them and asking for help?
Real Talk… As a mother, it would absolutely kill me knowing that my son was going thru something so bad and didn’t come to me. Especially, knowing from experience what he was going thru.
There is no reason for you to go thru this alone, Paladin. Let your family help you
PS… From my own experience, asking for help was the best thing I could have done.
I can’t tell them. I can’t tell them for a lot of different reason. The main ones is that they would be hurt so much but they would also put me in a ward. I can’t go back to the word. I can’t go back to it. I can’t handle that stress again.