I want friends who care

I’ve never had many close friends. In elementary school, my one “best friend” was manipulative at best. She usually bossed me around and tried to keep me from talking to other people. Through the rest of my schooling, I hung around a large group of friends and made sure not to get too deep or personal with any of them (tRuST iSsUEs :sweat_smile: ).

Finally at the end of college I found myself with two best friends and a great husband I could share anything with. Right after college, the friends and I all moved away to different cities in different directions. I still have the great husband, but in the past year or so the friends have seemed to slip away. We used to chat via snapchat and video message every day. We also did our best to have a weekly “book club” video call so we could do something fun together and stay connected. Almost a year ago, we were all super stressed with our jobs and one friend also had the stress of bad roommates and multiple moves. Understandably, we put the book club on hold. A few months later we tried to pick it up again and met once over skype. The next month I tried setting a time to meet again and was met with radio silence. I thought maybe the book thing was too stressful, so the next week I suggested meeting just to catch up. Still no response. Meanwhile the other two were still sending messages like usual, but just ignored my questions of when they could meet. I gave up and stopped asking. We’ve met on video call once since then, when one of them decided to schedule a meeting.

I worry I’ve been too needy or annoying. Beside my therapists and my husband, these two friends have been my only form of social support since college. In that time I’ve had major work stresses, moved cross-country 3 times, dealt with ongoing mental health problems, cut off ties with both my parents, and lost two cousins to suicide. Oh and there was the whole global crisis thing on top of it.

Finally this year I’ve managed to make some new friends through work and my church, but they are still brand new friends who I’m still becoming closer to. I don’t feel that I can share most of my stress or feelings with them yet. Even when we reach a point of being vulnerable, I don’t know how to open up about my struggles. I already have my issues trusting people. And now I’m especially scared of sharing too much and causing them to run away. How do I know what I can share?

My husband has been amazing through everything. I do feel I can talk to him any time about anything. At the same time though, I realize he is only one person. I have to be mindful of how much I lay on him, because he has a lot of stress too. I support him a lot as well, but when we’re both going through stuff sometimes it gets to be too much for just the two of us. He has other friends and family he talks to regularly. He also enjoys video games and uses that as a social outlet by playing with friends. I am trying to make friends so I can have fun with other people too. I’m just not very good at it yet and it’s a longer process than I want it to be. :frowning:

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Hi NewAtThis,
thank you for sharing your struggles and worries.
With trust issues and not many people to talk to, i can relate to very much.
You are doing great, your therapy is working and your husband is there for you, so also you are
there for him.
Enjoy this as much as you do i would imagine, a little “hey, how was your day” can do much in these
days. You made new friends, what is also very good. Share your worries, step by step. Reach out and
see how they respond to you, i would think they will support you. I made this experience this year.
When i finally spoke about my worries, what scared me to do it, because i also did not know how they
would react to it. But they supported me, helped me and still are there for me. I have hope that this also
will happen for you my friend.
Also the book club, be patient and give it another try, it sound amazing. Keep that up, let this come back
again, your friends will appreciate it.
You are doing great in my eyes and you will further, i am sure. I am proud of you. Your husband is too.
Have a wonderful day and feel hugged,
Greetings

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