Ive just begun school again and Im already behind. I feel like Im failing over and over. I really feel as though I have no one, my ‘friends’ dont even acknowledge my existence and i have no one to turn to. I just dont know how to continue, its like every thought i have is a battering ram in my brain. The fact that even if i died no one would mourn, the closest comfort i get is a hello from my family and even then it sounds insincere. Its just so hard and i know crying will never help and its pointless but the tears are always present, ready to just come streaming out. The amount of times i want to scream and cry is ridiculous, pathetic even. Its painful and unbelievable and it may sound silly but i want someone to notice, to care but even that seems so far away. I dont know how to talk about it, every time i go for help its like the words are clogging the back of my throat, choking me, willing me to just shut up. Its a constant spiral and i honestly dont know how long i can last. Its all a constant static, never leaving me. I just want everything gone, its so hard and i just want some type of relief. I want peace, a real smile on my face, no throbbing in my chest, happiness, salvation, anything other than this. I know it sounds silly but i want quiet. Something that will stop the thoughts. The thoughts that are ever present, the ones saying i should just slit my wrists and to be honest maybe i should, theres worse things than death. Maybe itll be better than this because i hate myself, i hate this, i hate all the reminders of my existence, my mistakes, every little thing i have endured seems so irrelevant. I just want it to be over.
Hey @MyOwnAbyss,
That sucks. I hear you. And it may seem like people don’t notice, but that’s not always the case. Hey, you’re on here right? We notice. And we care! We want what’s best for everyone, because everyone matters. And everyone goes through bad times. And I mean everyone. I thought I was all alone in middle school. I had some similar thoughts, that no one would care if I was gone, and it would be easier. But there are moments that can help you see the better things. I’m sure you’ll be able to find at least one thing.
In fact, here’s a challenge: tell us one thing that actually makes you happy. It can be anything, like ice cream or a stupid sound.
I’ll go first: the sun setting. I know it’s cheesy, but I think it’s magical, even on bad days. It always makes me feel…a weird sense of good.
Dumb exercise I know, but I want you to know that people are here for you! Don’t lose yourself.
Hi @MyOwnAbyss,
Sorry this is a late reply. I hope you’re doing okay since you posted this message. 
You said you don’t know how to talk about what’s going on. But you just did it here friend. What you share makes sense, totally.
Thank you. For being honest, for taking this step and allowing us to read the words you shared bravely.
I feel your pain. It couldn’t be different. You’ve been carrying a lot on your shoulders. And I’m sorry you felt so alone while dealing with all of this. It’s such an awful experience when you feel like you’re insignificant, invisible, that no one truly cares. So know that we care about you here. Really. It’s not just empty words. And I hope you’ll let us know how you’ve been doing for the past few days.
There were some moments in my life when I’ve felt just like you described. Overwhelmed by dark thoughts, feeling alone, feeling unable to reach out and thinking that dissapearing won’t make any difference for anyone. So I don’t know your life, who your friends are, if your family is supportive or not. But you matter friend. What you’re going through matters. Your voice matters. You’re part of this world and there won’t ever be anyone like you. You are unique. You are needed. You are loved. It would only be dramatic to lose you.
If you don’t know how to express yourself with your beloved ones, then maybe try to use this message you posted here. You’re not ridiculous at all. You’re struggling. And you only deserve to be shown that you are loved and cared for. You just need to take this little step and allow those who are close to you to be aware of what’s going on and how they can help you. I know it’s scary. But we all need to rely on others sometimes. And it’s okay to ask for help.
You are not alone. I see you. And I hope you’re doing slightly better.
Hang in there.