I want someone popular to acknowledge me

Ok, so before I begin, some backstory. I am a straight, black, 27 year old man who has never had a friend. This is do to my father being in the navy and my family moving everywhere, so I never had a stable childhood. I will also like to add that I’ve been bullied due to the way I walk, talk, act, and my hobbies are by other people, saying that I’m “not black enough”. This has cause me to condemn the entire black community for their treatment of me, insane I know. Due to this, I have used video games as a way to, I guess, cope with my situation, so far as to believe that video games ARE my friend. Lastly, and I despise myself for even to have to say this due to the stigma and hatred this word contains but I cant think of any other descriptor, I am an High functioning “incel”.

That last part was the hardest thing to write, cause it says, to me, that I’m not capable of loving someone, yet I am but no one sees it, and I dont know how to fix that.

So that’s who I am. I’m writing this today cause I just had a discussion basically told me I crave validation. And not just from everyone, I want people who are popular to validate me. Even then, I don’t want movie stars to tell me I exist, I want the people who I follow on Twitter to tell me I exist. The reason why is cause the people I follow are kind, loving people, the kind of people I wanted to have as friends but was “denied” in a way. Some of them are even how I envision my future wife would be. Them telling me I exist, to Acknowledge me, will tell me I am good enough, cause how I am now, I am completely worthless next to them. I want to stop this, but I dont know how. Being this lonely is painful, not to mention that I am extremely sexual frustrated with myself, to the point where if I see any attractive person, my anger is start to boil. Please, I want to stop this cause this pain is almost unbearable.


You are super brave, even anonymously to be able to put your feelings down in black and white. It is hard enough to acknowledge our issues internally… but to type them out, where you can see it, your thoughts, your assessment of you written in front of you… That is so huge. I am proud of you for that.

To me it sounds like due to a lot of moving around you did not have the opportunity to learn how to make and retain friends long term. Relationships are complex. There is a completely different set of skills required to meet new people and be social for a short time than there is when you learn how to work through issues, love someone even when they have different opinions, compromise… or even know when to end a relationship.

I feel that the best thing for you to do would be to see a therapist who deals specifically with relationships. A therapist with this specialty will be able to help you work through making friends… figure out how to handle certain situations which, when you are little you just do but as an adult is super scary, especially when most people have already acquired a skill that you haven’t used yet.

There is no shame in this. There are a lot of people in your situation… some due to a military childhood but there are a plethora of reasons for people to have not had a childhood filled with same age social situations and relationships.

You may not want to hear this, but I think that your getting into a healthy and positive romantic relationship that is equally beneficial to you and your partner is something that probably shouldn’t happen until you feel comfortable and confident socially. I don’t mean that you have to be perfect… or that you can’t be nervous or anything… We all get nervous in certain social situations and we all put our foot in our mouths… trust me on this… but I think it would be unfair to yourself to get into an intimate relationship before you have had a chance to learn some of the things that you have missed out on learning.

You deserve to be able to have fulfilling relationships in your life, and I believe that it will happen for you… it’s just going to take some time and effort. It might be a struggle due to being behind the curve… but hang in there… One day I believe that this feeling that you have right now can become a distant memory.

As an aside, there are a ton of books on how to communicate effectively. If you are nervous to reach out for therapy (which is a really big deal, so if you are, it’s OK… work towards that goal) perhaps check out Amazon or Good Reads, and then if money is an issue see what your local library has. Many libraries offer a system that will allow you to read books for all of the libraries in a shared system on your phone, tablet or PC, so chances are you will be able to borrow all of the books that look interesting to you from home… and some of them may come with audiobook availability so that you can listen during any commute time you may have.

Take care. You Matter.


I can see that you are suffering and are in pain. Do you want help? Although you got close several times, you have yet to explicitly ask for help or even for opinions. I cannot help you unless you ask.
If you do want help, you should make a rule for yourself: If you ask a question and somebody answers in good faith, don’t get angry. This might be difficult.