I’ve deleted this three times now.
But I guess I’ve got to say something.
I haven’t been here in a while. And to be honest, I haven’t talked to anyone, virtually or in real life, for a while too.
I have a therapist now that I like. She’s cool.
Do you know that feeling when you’re struggling but “not enough” to reach out for help? Or is it just me? Might as well be just me…
I feel that way right now.
I don’t feel well, but I’m not in danger or something. I like the idea of some destructive things, but I’m not going to do any of them, I’m too exhausted anyways…
I want to talk to someone, but the friends who know about my struggle are busy or on vacation on the other side of the planet or simply overwhelmed by their own chaotic world.
And it’s not the kind of emergency that would justify calling my therapist in the middle of the night.
So I’m just alone here.
I wish I could cry. I wish I could let it all out, but it won’t work.
I just want to be held and I want someone to talk to me, or at me, I don’t know. I just want to be less alone right now.
I know writing on here won’t make anyone of you appear here to sit with me, but “at least” I was able to say how I feel. Even though I know no one cares or will read this.
i try to choose wisely how I invest my time during the day, especially online. By choosing to reply to your post, that means it was important to me to 1) read, 2) reply, and 3) hang around to see if you replied
so what’s up?
I’m glad you got a therapist, and I’m glad that things aren’t totally terrible either. Would you say you’re kinda just “meh” right now?
we can hang for a bit, see if just sharing your thoughts here can help ya a bit.
This is definitely not just you. It’s so easy to slide into a way of life where you’re just functioning; going through the motions. It is exhausting you’re right and although you may feel alone, you’re not alone in feeling the way you do. I think you’re wrong that no one cares though.
I think if your brain is telling you that you need people, you need to be active in trying to reach out. Starting here is great, but it sounds like you’re craving face-to-face contact with people. I know you’re exhausted and that this must seem daunting. Maybe it’s something you could work up to in steps?
This message is a simple reminder, @fiji, that you are loved so much. Your presence is a gift. And even during times of doubts or inner turmoil, you are never truly alone.
I hope with all my heart that you are slowly feeling the depth and beauty of life - the majestic parts it has to offer to you, not just the pain it brings sometimes for being alive and breathing. There is so much life around and within you. So much strength in our cracks too.
How beautiful and special you are, friend. May today be another opportunity for you to rise and shine.