I want to change I don’t feel comfortable with the way I treat people I don’t interact with my brother and when I do is generally to dismiss him or ignore him or be mad at him and I want to stop that I feel terrible every time I do something like that, I fight with my mom almost daily we disagree on a lot of things and I don’t want to hate her she is my mom after all, I am scared of my dad I can’t honestly speak to him, before I used to fight with him a lot and we almost hated each other, now things with him are better but I can’t look past what happened before. I want to change who I am I don’t want to be like my dad or my mom I want to be my own person.
I feel lonely I am surrounded by people but I can’t fill that void in my chest I use videogames and tv to cope with it but it does only so much.
Friend, that’s such a powerful message that you’re sharing here. You’re identifying what’s not satisfying to you in the way you interact with others - your family especially. It’s not easy to take the time to reflect on that and to decide that something has to be changed. I respect your honesty and the humility that you are showing here. It takes a lot of strength to do that. Thank you for sharing.
Loneliness, frustration, pain can be expressed through behaviors that impact others negatively. I guess the way you feel is, maybe, related to the way you interact with your family. When our heart is in pain we don’t necessarily know how to express that. But you just did it, by writing down your thoughts and your desire to change the situation. That’s truly positive!
I hope you’ll give yourself the grace you need to let those changes happen. We don’t necessarily behave the way we want, especially when we’re hurting. So despite the regrets that you may have, I hope you’ll let compassion - to yourself and others - be a pillar of strength to you right now.
I feel lonely I am surrounded by people but I can’t fill that void in my chest I use videogames and tv to cope with it but it does only so much.
It makes totally sense to feel that way. And also to try to find some ways to cope that doesn’t necessarily work. We certainly all have own ways to cope with life, but it’s not always the right ones. During some seasons when I was very depressed, I also used video games as a way to push through. I loved the fact that it gave me this feeling of progressing somewhere while in my life I felt like I was just constantly stuck and going nowhere. But it can be a trap for sure. As much as I’m grateful that video games allowed me to survive in times when it was needed, there was this moment when it wasn’t fulfilling enough.
Again, being aware that TV and videogames are not filling that void is powerful, friend. It means that you’re in a position right now that allows you to think about new strategies. What’s your next move? What does your heart need to fill that void? You don’t have to know all the answers at once. Growth and changes happen with lots of try, fail and re-try, but it’s always worth it. You always learn something and you keep heading towards your goals.
I also want you to know that you don’t have to be alone through all of this. Surrounding yourself with the right support is important and you can always count this community as part of your resources. If you’re comfortable with that, let us know how we can all encourage you through this journey, through your life. Feel free to join the HeartSupport Discord server a well - no obligation at all, of course:
I hope with all my heart that you’ll find some restoration with your family. But also in your heart.
Hold fast.