Its been 3 years since i have wanted to die . Even though its been 3 years since i atleast attempted but also 3 years clean of self harm . But now i feel like throwing it all away . I feel like im just a burden , a mistake . Someone who isnt worth anything . just a piece of garbage human beeing . I deserve to die , i deserve to burn in hell , i deserve to not be here. I DONT DESERVE ANYTHING.
My father didnt make it any better. i usually take after class to eat dinner and relax . and it got to the point where i felt so stressed . so damn over whelmed to well it got to where it is now. me wanting to die. a yelling battle, me wanting to relapse. and its just going back and fourth to where it gets worse . even the raising of the voice. i just say there in tears , not able to "move on " till i felt 100% . cause my head wasnt and still isnt mentally there.
Maybe giving up is the best idea . Maybe im not worth anything . maybe im just deserving to burn in hell.
Im such a burden, im such a waste of space. I dont deserve to be here.
@all_around_ashley
Hello dear friend…
You are not a burden nor a mistake. You are worth so much 
not only for yourself, but for all of us here. You have shown many people-including myself- such compassion . You are a beautiful human. And we are all here for you. It’s a positive step reaching out for help here, before self harming…it shows you still believe in yourself. I believe in you too.
Sending best wishes. Feel free to pm and vent more if needed. Stay safe friend
-Eyeless
Hey Friend We hope this finds you well…
The HeartSupport Houston team responded to your post here https://drive.google.com/file/d/1YX4AT8_8iAfwcHhx2uRAHxhtopUcycEU/view?usp=sharing, hold fast friend!
Hey Morgan , thank you … I appreciate you and the rest of your friends . This was needed .
Dear @all_around_ashley,
You’ve been strong for so long. 3 years since your attempt and 3 years clean of self harm is a huge, huge accomplishment that shows how strong, brave and resilient you are. Yet sometimes, despite our efforts, there are those thoughts and doubts made of self-hatred that keep spiraling in our mind. That doesn’t mean they would be true. That doesn’t mean you haven’t done enough since you started to lead your own battles. It’s just that, in some circumstances, we feel once again this deep vulnerability that makes us feel like we’re nothing.
I’m sorry for this argument with your dad. It sounds that it really affected you and I hope that, since it happened, you managed to clear your mind and ground your heart in some important, loving truths. You are not a burden, Ashley. You are not a waste of space. You deserve to be here. You belong. And you are so, so loved.
3 years ago you started to rise again like a phoenix. This strong, brave and resilient Ashley is not gone. It’s still here, even during times of deep vulnerability like this one. Your story is not over. Your efforts are not wasted. And those doubts in your mind, those thoughts that want to take the best of you, are not going to win. You deserve to smile again. You deserve to feel loved and cared for. You deserve good things. You have an online fam’ here ready to shoulder this pain with you. You’re not alone. Please, stay safe friend.
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