Back to heartsupport

I want to disappear

I want to disappear, and I’m ready to leave.

The past weeks have been incredibly stressful and anxiety driven, like many of you probably can relate to…

But I’m done now.
I don’t want to anymore.
I’m close to a breakdown and too scared to tell the people around me how bad it really is right now. I don’t want to go through this again, I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Do you know what I mean?

My whole body is in pain and my thoughts are so toxic, and I’m trying my best to aid both of them, but I can’t do it properly.

I’ve been thinking a lot again about relapses, self injury and suicide.
I don’t want to go there, but it’s so tempting…

I might do it tho…

What have I got to lose?
I’m a looser and a failure, no one who’s successful in life, or noticed much. I’m invisible, and no one misses the invisible.

I’m sorry for wasting your time, I just have no one who listens to me at this time of the night (it’s in the middle of the night for me). I’m not sure if anyone is reading this, but if you got this far, thanks buddy, I’m sorry you read all this.

Good night, friend.

3 Likes

Dear @fiji
I’m sorry that things are going so rough.
I know that it seems like there’s this easy way out, and it’s so tempting. But the fact that you have made it so far means you have strength, keep up the fight. You’re tired, you want it to stop, I understand. But this isn’t the way to get it to stop. You are stronger than the pain. You can make it. You’re not a loser, you’re not a failure, just someone having it rough, and I know you can get past it, I believe in you. I love you, we all love you.

Stay strong; you are loved :slight_smile:
~Danny

2 Likes

@fiji

Friend, I’m sorry you’re hurting. I really hope you’re safe now and you didn’t hurt yourself.

Yes, you matter. And you never have to be sorry for people who will read what you have to say. Your voice matters and also what you are going through.

Being scared of telling to people around you about what’s going on is normal. Many of us tend too think that it makes us a burden to do that. Whatever the reasons behind: you have the absolute right to talk about it and seek support from your relatives. I know it’s hard. And it certainly feels more comfortable to stay alone, to isolate yourself. But it’s also adding a pain on your chest that you need to carry on. Your feelings are valid and have a reason to be. Staying alone when you struggle can be really harmful. I know talking about it is really hard for you. But you can do it and you have the right to do so. Maybe try to write a message to them if you feel more comfortable with this idea.

You are not a loser. You are not a failure. You’re a human being and you’re struggling. This doesn’t make you feel worthless. Never.

You’re not invisible either. We see you. I read your message entirely and I care about you.

Please, let us know how you’re doing. But more than anything: keep reaching out. Take a step out of your comfort zone. You are loved and you are strong. Hold fast. :heart:

1 Like

thank you
i apprechiate it

2 Likes

thank you
i am trying
i am still here

i apprechiate it

3 Likes

Dear @fiji,

My name is Maplesead and I wanted to make something for you as a reminder that your loved and that you matter. I saw your topic on the HeartSupport wall and can probably relate to that as well. I personally that exactly the same feelings like 2-3 weeks ago. For my I never opened up like you did here and I really want to say that it is very brave of you and that I am proud of you that you openen up! But also know that you are not a looser and a failure, because for us al the Heartsupport family you are important and you matter! Remember that you are stronger in your mind and body then you think you are.

Let me introduce you to a villager of Animal Crossing that I drew. Her name is Blanca and she is a special character who, as you maybe allready had noticed, has an blank face. Blanca is someone who is never noticed by someone else, because do can’t show her emotion. She felt herself as a failure and have the idea that she isn’t worth it anymore. One day she told her story for the first time to someone and see saw and felt that someone actually matter about her, and that she isn’t alone! And maybe she it’s the person that express their emotions easy, but that doesn’t mean that she don’t matter and that she is alone on earth.

Fiji, please remember that Blanca is as loved and beautiful as you and she want to take care of you. Also she want to remember you that you matter and that you are as beautiful as you are, even if you don’t think that from yourself. Hold fast, you matter!

Lovely greetings,
Maplesead

4 Likes

I do know what you mean. I have struggled a lot with these same feelings and often don’t have the slightest clue how to go about telling people how or why I feel this way. It’s hard opening up to people without feeling like people won’t get it.

I hear you friend.

You are not a loser or a failure. You’re a human being who is hurting right now and that is okay. You are not a waste of time. I care about you friend. It’s better to talk about these things and allow friends and the community to help you through it than hide away alone.

You matter. Truly. I’m sorry you are hurting. I’m sending you a lot of love right now.

  • Kitty
1 Like

Thank you. I really appreciate it.
You are incredible!

1 Like

Thank you.
I really appreciate you

1 Like

First of all, you did NOT waste my time. I wouldn’t rather be doing anything right now than helping you realize how much you HAVE got to lose. You are incredible. No matter what you may think. You ARE incredible. You have so much to lose. First of all, you have yourself. You were granted a life, why throw it away? Who cares if you don’t have happiness right now? That’s why you keep fighting for it. You do not stop until you have it. You try and you try and you keep trying again and again and again. DO NOT STOP FIGHTING. I know how tempting suicide and self harm are, I KNOW. Because I too went through a horrible period in my life where my arm was slashed up and I hid it with my life. I know you dont want to seem a burden to people by letting them know what’s going on, but there is NOTHING better than that. NOTHING. You need help. You NEED physical comfort. Please, PLEASE, go get some. I promise you that there are people who want to help. There are people who love you. I promise.

1 Like