I don’t care anymore, I want this all to be over. I wish at the bottom of my heart I had a gun to just put a bullet into my brain so I won’t have to live anymore. The pain is just unbearable, I’ve lost all sense of my mind…It feels like I have no one anymore, I want the pain and loneliness to go away. I’m not even cut out for living. This needs to be the end now.
FRIEND,
You have me.
YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE ME.
I love you SO SO MUCH.
I can’t even put it into words how much you mean to me.
If you were gone I don’t know what I would do I don’t know who I’d be.
Friend you DO NOT deserve this pain. YOU do NOT DESERVE to be in this Hell.
What I know is YOU HAVE TO KEEP FIGHTING.
It’s hard! I know!
When my dad almost died and he talked of sucicide and I was self injuring every day I thought I just needed to die. I thought the pain just needed to stop. I though it wouldn’t end!
But I’ve been through a lot! A lot of periods of good! A lot of bad!
Those good periods of time make life worth living!
Having you in my life makes life worth it!
You’re a reason why I’m still here! Why I still have breath in my lungs!
I have been in my bathroom with the door locked and a towel around my neck trying to just freaking die. But I didn’t, I’m still here.
Yes I know the pain has been your whole life! That is like me and my anxiety! I don’t see an end! But guess what?? Sometimes it gets ok. It gets good.
Yes we fall into slumps- but we make it!
You’ve made it!!
You still can!!
I have been messaging you in times where you were contemplating drinking bleach and I’ve been there when you’ve overdosed and I will ALWAYS BE THERE. NO MATTER WHAT.
I will ALWAYS be here.
YOU will ALWAYS HAVE ME.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Hold fast.
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Hey @Purplelilly - I don’t know your backstory, so I apologize if you’ve been told this before, but I highly recommend to check out therapy/counseling. This will help take the edge off and the counselor will give you tools in order to make you feel better. I wish the best and remember that you’ll always have us.
@Purplelilly So sorry to hear you are suffering under these dark, dark thoughts. It sounds like you’ve had the weight of these thoughts with you for awhile…that is horrible. I know. I’ve been through it. I know what it’s like to feel like your OWN mind is working against you. Sometimes the things they weigh on us are external lifestyle stressors that keep beating on us and other times it’s mostly internal, whether it be a chemical thing or a conditioned response. And when it doesn’t stop …it can make things feel hopeless. Totally been there. I can tell you, and I know it can just sound like lip service, but this is a temporary thing. I don’t know how old you are, what country you live in or what you’ve been through. But as long as you have breath in your lungs you have the potential to experience some awesome things. If you give in to those annoying, junk thoughts that bring us down then the possibility is gone. I would encourage you if possible to find someone, a professional to talk with. When we are in the throws of deep depressions like this our own mind is not working in our best interest. The things we need to do to start to feel better seems impossible to reach. Something as good as a walk outside, to just look at the trees, listen to the wind, feel it on your face and just enjoy the simpliest basics, dig in the dirt, stick your feet in a stream, our mind will usually tell us not to do it but focusing on those elemental basics has helped me distract those PIA thoughts. You ARE loved and important. Put that as a rule in your mind even when your emotional brain tries to make you feel otherwise.
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Hi @Purplelilly,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It is a very brave thing to do when you are in pain. HeartSupport is a place of unconditional love, and you are loved exactly as you are, no matter what. You can talk about anything you need or want to, here, and it’s okay. Pain is real, and when you are in the middle of it, feeling it, it’s hard to remember feeling any other way. It can feel so overwhelming and endless, but you are still loved. You are alive and breathing, and that means you ARE cut out for living, just as much as anyone else is, and you have the right to live and be loved. You are worth it.
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I don’t know you, but my heartbreaks to hear that you are feeling this way. Know that I am standing behind you, fighting with you. I believe you can make it through! I know it can be crazy hard, but I believe in you. Thank you for being willing to share your feelings and thoughts
Stay strong and keep fighting!
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