I want to end my worthless life

I want to end my life.
I am fat and ugly
People doesn’t care about me

I think my bf is cheating again. - he cheated before because I cheated first and we were very young. So, i know he cheated on me because it was my fault and I deserved it.

I can’t see he is serious about our future. But he always tell me That he loves me by saying i lobe you and caring for me,

but I don’t know if he really does. Maybe he thought he loves me but the truth is he doesn’t love me and he just doesn’t know that or his confused.

i can tell that I’m not the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

He would rather watch porn than making love with me. I can see he is disgusted of my body.

His dad doesn’t like me at all. I heard his dad telling him that he is young and he can find someone. But I’m not mad at his dad. I know and I understand that he just wanted the best woman for his son. Like all parents wants for their children.

All i want to do Leave and ran away so he can find someone who is better than me and someone he deserves because he is a kind Hearted person.

And then I would kill myself. Die alone.


Friend I’m so sorry that you are hurting so much right now. And that you are facing such dark thoughts because of it. I don’t know everything that is going on right in your life and I know we are complete strangers but I care. Your life matters. You matter. What you are going through matters and you deserve to feel better than this.

I have struggled with weight my entire life so I know how hard it is to feel fat and ugly but friend your weight and appearance Is not what measures your value as a person. Your weight and your appearance does not define you and is not what makes you YOU.

That’s hard. But I think it’s a good start that you can admit to where you also made a slip. Sounds like you both made hurtful decisions and need to talk about it so that there can be forgiveness and healing. Communication is so important. :heart:

I think it’s important to talk about this and how it makes you feel. Including the previously mentioned cheating. Talking allows you to overcome those hardships so you can heal.

But it’s also important to ask yourself if this relationship is healthy to you. Is it bringing you down and making you feel bad yourself? Is there trust? You are worth loving no matter how much you weigh. You are not robbed of being deserving of that over your looks. Seriously and I’m sorry if your relationship is making you feel that way.

Hey. You matter. Your life matters. You deserve love! You are not disposable. You also deserve a good person to love you and accept you. You also deserve kindness. Being you IS enough. You ARE enough.

I’m sorry that things have left you feeling so down on yourself friend.

Hey, are you in the heart support discord?

this is a place where you can connect with other people in this community. Many who are ready and willing to share love with one another. To encourage and support. Many who can relate to your situation. Join us. :heart: you do not have to be alone in this.

You can also come talk to us in the Heart Support streams

Friend we care. Please hang with us. :heart: you deserve to be surrounded by love and support

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Hi Kitty,

I’m happy to read your response to my post.
I am happy because first you are here for me.
You made me cry because I am thankful that you made time for me.
I am happy because everything you said I know i did already. Everything i know can help us i did. But i guess it wasn’t enough.

We are engaged! He proposed to me 2018 out 8th year anniversary. But is engagement enough to make you feel safe and secure?

My guts is telling me the opposite. I don’t even know how i can live myself without him. Or how and where to start.

But i feel like I am doing him a favour if i just leave so he stop wasting his time with me.

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Hey, no problem friend. Sometimes we just need to be heard and listened to. To have a chance to talk it out with someone. Glad I could be there <3

That is really hard. Especially since you are engaged. I know that you should be able to feel secure and safe in your engagement, but if you aren’t being supportive properly and are being left to feel like you are not good enough, that is a major red flag. You def wouldn’t want to get married into a relationship that makes you feel so bad about yourself. And like you aren’t enough. So it may be worth really talking about with each other, the expectations of your relationship and what is or isn’t realistic for you.

It’s really hard. I know the idea of starting over is so scary. I went through a divorce last year after a 15 year relationship. It was hard having to lose everything I had built up. So I can totally understand if looking at a future without him can be scary.

You may not have to. I know you said you already did all those things, but I encourage you to talk to him again. Let him know your feelings. See if there is a way to address and resolve the current issues so you can better your relationship as it is. And if he isn’t willing to work with you, it may be a sign that maybe there needs to be a change.

So hard. I’m so sorry friend. I really am. I truly hope that you can find healing in this. Some resolve. You deserve to feel better and to be in a relationship that you can feel safe and secure in


Thank you Kitty so much!
I am no saint myself! I’d like to think that I am a loving person and like to help other people.
I cry if i see homeless people who looked really struggling in life.

I know that I am strong and can stand up and look after myself. I never like to be dependent to a man. I am working as educational leader in Childcare, i like to think that i am successful in my job but in life I can’t seem to help myself.

To be fair, he shows me and tells me he love me and I feel that. Everytime i would voice out my concerns etc he would always shut it down and tells me I shouldn’t worry because he loves me and he will try his best to be the best and better version of himself or change the things I don’t like, like when he spends money on his computer games even though he knew we hVe a lot of bills to pay. - i know he is like this he told me because when he was a young kid they were poor and never experienced that.

For years I tried to understand him and be reasonable but during hard times this is not practical and i think he should do his part to which is having a discipline about his money spending on games. Which he told me he won’t but he does it anyway.

Is it wrong to plan my escape now, save money for myself and leave? He is fine he has a small business and his dad is guiding him.


I know you feel like you’re not good enough for yourself and others, but earthly things will wither away. Jesus is coming back again to defeat Satan forever, and everything now, even your awful, sad, dark thoughts, will be nothing. God sees you as a beautiful, wonderful, and pure human being. Yes, we are all sinners. Nobody measures up to their own expectations, but the only thing that matters is how God sees you, which is a magnificent and new creature in Christ Jesus. Jesus was crucified for you, me, and EVERYONE, regardless of anything. You mean so much to him! Please, don’t give up.

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It sounds like he has love and care but maybe sometimes has a hard time showing it in some ways. And that happens sometimes. Do you think that maybe some couple’s therapy could be beneficial to you guys?

I can totally understand trying and it not feeling practical. I struggled in my previous relationship. Relationships are def team work and a two way street. So you both have to put in that effort.

It’s not wrong to want to be realistic about your situation and think about an independent future. But Id def talk to him about it <3 Set some healthy boundaries and expectations in the relationship, and if those can’t be hit, yea. For sure. Think about a healthy out for you.

Just depends on if he’s willing to work with you.

I hope things work out friend

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Thank you, i pray that i see what you see :disappointed:

Thank you Kitty, i will pray for that

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