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I want to hurt myself

Bipolar people can’t do relationships. We hurt people. We re impatient, destructive, and make up stories in our own heads due to an overflow of emotions.
I’ve been told I’m selfish. When I get scared or triggered as I was today, I overreact and I hate myself for it. I do this a lot.
I don’t feel like a good person. I have to take extra care of myself and my emotions so I don’t really see a lot of people .its hard to keep a job. I don’t have a lot of friends and I m not always good at taking care of the ones I have . They see all these emotional ups and downs
I feel like a loser. I don’t have children, a partner, and I work at a club. I’m not contributing anything good to society. I’m a walking mess.i cut. Now I want to be taken out.i don’t have the courage

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Hey, first of all you are contributing to society! To come onto here and open up takes bravery. Someone reading this post could be saved or even feel love that there are others out there who feel the same way.

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Hey @Rosethorn,

I’m glad to see you here.

Indeed, living with a bipolar diagnosis is difficult. It impacts your daily life, your emotions, your reactions. Sometimes it’s hard to trust yourself, to trust others, to find the right words, to do the right thing.

You’re a person, you’re existing. Of course bipolar is a huge part of your world. But as far as I know, based on what you shared regularly, you made some progress. Just because you keep reaching out, you keep going on, you keep sharing here when you need it. There are a lot of heavy emotions, thoughts, but you still manage to take some time to reflect on what’s going on. Not everyone would do that. And when you share with us, we can remind you that your feelings sometimes lead you to the wrong conclusions about yourself.

You’re not selfish. And you regularly showed how much you care about your beloved ones, through your different posts and for the past few months. Overreacting can happen to all of us, even without bipolar or any mental health difficulty.
You’re not a loser. But you miss some things in your life right now to be fulfilled. As you mentioned: family, having a partner and your job. Those are circumstances, things in your life that can be changed, with time. Certainly not all at once. But you are not stuck in your current situation. Right now the priority is still to learn to handle your reactions, those emotional ups and downs. But you’re gonna be okay. You got this.
You are not a walking mess. And if you hurt yourself, I hope you manage to heal your wounds. You don’t deserve any harm. :heart:

Take care friend, as much as possible.
Those things you are thinking about yourself don’t reflect who you are, your own beauty. :heart:
You are so strong.

Hey friend,

Actually, I am Bipolar. And I am in a very happy healthy relationship. It’s not that we can’t be in relationships. It just takes finding someone who can understand the diagnoses and know how to work with us when we are struggling. Being open to us and finding methods to work through the hardships. It also takes effort on our part. Finding therapy and being willing to help ourselves. Being willing to work with others, our spouses and our therapists to overcome some of the challenges we struggle. Setting up game plans for ourselves when things start getting difficult. Practicing awareness. Being open.

Yes, some of us have a lot of impulse urges for different things. Yes sometimes we can go from one extreme to the next. It can be overwhelming but this does not dub you unlovable. This does not mean you can’t be in a healthy relationship.

Being bipolar does not make you a bad person. It doesn’t mean you aren’t a good person.
Being bipolar doesn’t make you selfish.

Sure sometimes being bipolar can cause you to over think or overreact. It can make the job setting challenging but there are ways to work through this my friend.

I battled for many years with these things but then I got both a therapist and psychiatrist. With them I was able to work out a medicine that helped stabilize my mood, help with my anxiety and help my sleep. With them I was able to talk about my feelings and the things I was struggling with and work through awareness, mindfulness and started learning how to try to take control of the wheel when things feel like they are spiraling. I am very open to my partner. He helps me. He knows the symptoms of bipolar disorder and just tries to be patient with me. Sometimes I just need space to overcome what is going on. Sometimes I need to talk. Sometimes I just need someone to talk to me.

Emotional up and downs is normal my friend. I go through that a lot. Even when taking medications and talking to a therapist. Those things still existed but I have been able to grow and better learn how to work through it.

You are NOT a loser.

Have you checked out Dwarf Planet or ReWrite? These are really good books to work through that help address depression and self harm. I have been working through Dwarf Planet, myself and it has really been helpful for me. And I have others in the community who are working through it with me. It’s been very comforting to kinda just spend time self reflecting and writing. I take notebook paper and write my answers there so I have more space than whats in the book and just let myself work on it as I have the energy for it.

Friend, there is courage inside of you. It’s there. It may not feel like it when things are intense but reaching out and talking about it alone is courages. <3 It’s not always easy.

I hear you friend. I see you. I get it. I know. It is possible to be in relationships. I promise. It just takes time, patience and effort. It takes willingness. You got this friend.

Someone cares about you. <3

  • Kitty

Had two people say I drain them. I push people away and I bring them back. Nobody wants me and I don’t blame them. I know this is feeling sorry for myself, both people called me a brat and they’re right. I need to cut out. One even said I should do it so everyone can move on and that we need less of me in the world. I can’t stop crying as it feels true. I’m sorry everyone

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I have had people say that to me as well in my life. It doesn’t help that I am long winded and talk a lot. I’m extremely emotional, sensitive and fragile. But I also have tried to work on those things so I could be better about it.

There may be people who feel like you drain them or push them away, but you can work on those things <3 It doesn’t have to always be like that friend.

Why do you think people call you a brat? And why do you agree to that? Maybe there are things you can work on to help. What things do you feel that you struggle with that you wish you could be better at? That’s a good place to start. There are always ways for us to work on what we struggle with. I know it’s hard but it’s possible. I know because I struggle with those same things <3 And I have come a long way. I know you can to if you want to.

It’s not true that people need less of you in the world. That doesn’t even sound like something a friend would say. That is very hurtful.

We all as human have things that we need to work on. Nobody is perfect. We are always growing and learning. You’re human. You have places you need to grow and learn. That’s okay.

Where do you think you need the most growth?

Don’t be sorry. Lets talk.

  • Kitty

People tell me I only think of my emotions when it comes to a situation. That I don’t think how they feel. I explode. I don’t want to upset people I care about. I just feel this extreme guilt…for draining them. The people I love…I want the best for them and it kills me that I played a part in upsetting them

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Sometimes it’s easy to accidentally focus only on ourselves in situations that are emotional or intense. I think we all are capable of doing that. Maybe you could just try to work on focusing on being aware when things are intense and heated. Your feelings matter, but also remember so does everyone else’s. So just try to make sure you let others express themselves too.

Learning how to express ourselves can be a challenge. We all have to learn over time. The best way to talk about something is when you have had a moment to step back and clear any intense emotions and THEN talk. That way both parties can be open to each other and calm. It’s less draining that way. <3

Maybe you can just apologize to those you love and talk to them about how you can improve on your communication. Tell them you want to try and just ask them to work with you <3

It always sucks that we upset our loved ones, but, with effort we can work on changing what is upsetting to them and ourselves.

YOU ARE LOVABLE <3 And you do deserve forgiveness.

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Had two people say I drain them. I push people away and I bring them back. Nobody wants me and I don’t blame them. I know this is feeling sorry for myself, both people called me a brat and they’re right. I need to cut out. One even said I should do it so everyone can move on and that we need less of me in the world. I can’t stop crying as it feels true. I’m sorry everyone

Well it can be helpful and welcomed in a relationship to be honest about how we feel, but… what you just described is not respectful. It’s diminishing, insulting, hurtful. That’s not friendship. They could have said the same thing without being rude, but with all the kindness that it requires.

I understand that you feel a huge amount of guilt, but see: you keep showing how much you care about those you love. That’s who you are. And those people you mentioned certainly don’t see that.

There are adjustments to be made, like in every relationship. What you described, your reactions, can happen to anyone, in any situation. There were some seasons in my life when I was just horrible to my beloved ones, because I was struggling with depression. I had emotional reactions almost all the time and I can’t count the amount of time that I felt sorry for existing and being part of their lives. This kind of situation certainly requires to communicate more about how everyone feels/deals with some interactions, but that’s okay. As long as there is love and respect from both sides. Your friends don’t have to accept everything, they have the right to express themselves for sure, but that can be done in a loving way. Some mutual boundaries might need to be set.

You don’t have to be sorry. You have the right to express what’s on your chest. :heart:
You have the right to exist. As human beings, no one can pretend to be perfect. But we can always progress. And so you are.