Back to heartsupport

I want to kill myself so badly, I’m tired of feeling alone


#1

Battling depression thoughts of losing my mind taking acid because ending my life is even more painful to think about. I’ve tried everything nothing satisfies. You know what fuck it what about this religious thing? What does everyone else have figured out? Being brought to my knees because of life struggles painful memories of beatings and screaming, scarred when being taken into a pastors home from a broken home calling me son, saying he loves me but after 3 and a half years abandons me fuck you! There’s no love, what is religion used for moral reasons? Too many fake ass people. And it pisses me off. Yeah believers of the Way Christians are scum putting on this mask around people but behind closed fucking door their just filthy corrupted animals. You go out to share the Gospel and you’re fake as fuck🖕🏼
I want to die, I want to fucking die. I’m tired of being alone, I don’t know what is real anymore. Drink til I’m drunk, smoke til I’m high puking my fucking brains out. FUCK FUCK FUCK. When will anything get fucking betta no nothing will because heaven and hell is the only thing that is refraining me from fucking killing myself! I just want peace. Just a day to stop crying to stop hurting myself, it is best for a man to never be alone. There hasn’t been peace since I could remember. There’s no reason to keep living, all the drugs, being in relationships, enjoying life to the fullest, fuck fame fuck fortune, nothing can ever satisfy. I just want something fucking real! For once in my damn life. You wanna convince me about this God of yours, be my fucking guest, You want to give me knowledge be my fucking guest because if this doesn’t work, I’m fucking done


#2

Hey, I know you’re angry and hurt. And I don’t have a solution to make everything better. Just know that we’re here. There’s more to life than all that Christian stuff, you can move on and live without it and away from it. Please hold on.
You say you want something real, but drinking and smoking till you’re high, that’s not real. It’s just a mask of your feelings.
I’m really sorry friend. We are real here. Post whenever you want, and hold fast
Also, I recommend to listen to the band Falling In Reverse


#3

Hey dude, I dont have all the answers either, and I agree with you on religion and Christianity. I am,a Christian, and I have been able to experience God for who he really is and not the way he is portrayed by those wearing a mask. Hes different then them. God is the kind of,guy you cant always judge by those who supposedly represent him, because not everyone is a Christian for God himself, but to cover up lies and evil. And imperfect people dont always represent a perfect God the way it was intended to,be. Ive seen more of that then I would like to, and was raised by a man who claimed God but abused me,behind closed doors. I am,not sure how to word things so sorry if its weird or confusing, I would love to clear up anything you wonder about. The most I can say is try to,experience God for yourself and not from others. His actions and who he is, from the experienced Ive been able,to have, is vastly different. You gotta look away from people and learn about him directly. Thats where I was able to realize he isnt the evil that hides behind a mask, but pure and genuine. I’m sure its hard to seperate him from the people, (I still struggle to seperate him from,my,dad, but they are different, and God is kind). If you want to, you can message me,any time! Ive struggled with God and life like you have too and would,love,to,offer support. I,hope this helps. I dont want you to suffer, breaks,my,heart. I wish I could,take your pain away.


#4

Hey there friend,
i’m so so sorry that someone or more who are supposed to be “loving” and “kind” have hurt. I just want you to know that is not an accuarate representation of who God is. People aren’t perfect, we make mistakes. You’re right, there are a lot of Christians out there who put on a mask for whatever reason and it sucks. I’m so sorry they hurt you.
God is so much more tho. He understands your pain in a way unlike people can. And thats a beautiful thing if you really think about it.
Thought i share this video from heart support. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rZU-B1jPIY
Also, Jake Luhrs wrote this devotional that i thought maybe you should look into. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0999154532/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_ep_dp_T80vBb0VXHVXW?pldnSite=1 Stay strong friend, you are loved.
praying for you. <3