I’ve tried to leave this career for almost two years now. It’s not fulfilling and it’s taken a toll on my mental and physical health that’s honestly worrying. I’m uncomfortable around my classmates and most classes have a focus on programming, but I don’t like programming anymore. I had a long period of depression rooted in my inability to focus, which made my classmates abandon and shout at me, and made me depressed and want to die every day for at least two semesters I-
I want to pursue something a little different and develop my soft skills, I want to grow outside of this hostile environment I’ve been trapped in for years.
Problem is I’m just a year away from finishing classes, and the plan was to actually study, but now after the last few weeks and the stuff I talked about in my previous posts, I don’t feel in the best position to deal with this. In fact, I wish I could just get out of this university and get a job and move out someday, my parents try to be supportive but keep blaming me for wanting to get space to deal with my mental health.
I’m not sure what to do. The counselor at uni talked to them once and it helped for like two days. The night we got home after the hospital they yelled at me for asking them to ask nicely when they needed something because when they talk angrily or even loudly it triggers me, or sometimes I’ve taken a loooong time to focus on something (that happens so often it’s SO annoying and idk how to get rid of it) and when I get interrupted it’s hyper frustrating.
I feel bad for being 21 and crying too much over stupid things like these. Most people I know are a lot more mature than me…
Anyway, I want to get a job in whatever so I can pay for my therapy and maybe have some money for myself for once, but my parents keep pressuring me into studying this semester. I don’t know what to do…
Edit: I need to add I’m getting a free scholarship and I may lose it if I jump ship, so… Man, I wanted to take a break from the beginning before choosing a career but my parents pressured me a lot so.
It sounds like you have had a really rough go of it for the past few years.
Inability to focus is definitely depressing. Have you been evaluated for ADD or ADHD? I was heading into my third year before I was diagnosed. After being diagnosed, I was allowed to take tests in a quiet room and although it wasn’t needed, I was given extra time. There is also a lot of literature available to help students cope with ADD/ADHD.
Crying is therapeutic as a coping tool. Do it as you feel the need. Don’t worry about crying too much. You will know when you have cried enough. The need to cry has nothing to do with maturity.
You already have quite a few credits and prerequisites that would count towards a different major. It’s not that unusual for a person to change majors in the third year. Your parents need to understand that if your current curriculum is intolerable to you, it’s better for you to change career paths.
Does your scholarship offer the flexibility to lighten your class load for a term?
Your parents are not understanding that mental health is the priority foundation if they want you to succeed at school. The counselor needs to convince your parents of that and reinforce it as often as necessary.
I’ve tried to get my adhd diagnosis for over a year now, but we have no money to pay for the tests and many times I’ve been told by people around me it’s impossible because I have good grades. I still have tried many strategies out, but it feels like something’s missing.
I grew up being told crying is stupid. As a kid I’d be called crybaby, and if my parents see me cry they’ll ask questions and if I explain they say the reasons are stupid. So I try to do it when I’m alone or with someone who can actually support me and validate my feelings.
Thankfully I can lighten the load but can only cancel a class this semester.
I’ve tried my best to make them understand but even though I’ve already gotten really bad (like, hospital bad), they really don’t get it. I’ll follow your advice and ask the counselor to talk to them again, as many times as necessary.
Thank you for your answer!