I don’t normally share my thoughts to people so
this would probably be the first and last thought of my life that I’d share.
And because my vocabulary is very weak, but I’ll try my best to tell what’s inside my mind
I am experiencing a hard year trying to overcome my social anxiety
In the past few years, I’ve been silent all the time,
whenever someone starts a conversation with me
I always find a way to end it quick
which is why I find myself struggling at
making friends today.
This year I went out of my comfort zone
and I think that caused me to make a lot of mistakes.
like not being able to give a new friend my attention
and make them think im a cold person.
on the first day of school, it was awkward because
I am not good at starting conversation with people
especially when we don’t vibe, i always have that awkward feeling
when i talk to anyone plus most of the time I am thoughtless
so when it comes to conversating to people I can’t even look
straight in their eyes.
I know that most of them have a lot of personal problems, as they told me so
I’ve always wanted to help them out but I’m not good at comforting or
giving advice, I always want to talk to them sometimes too, to express myself or
say how or what i feel but i have a lot thoughts in my mind and i dont know which one
to tell and it ends up, me being thoughtless
I’m just a lame worthless guy that sucks at life
I think I am too weak and too
dumb to handle this complicated world.
I am sure most of my friends hate me for that
and it’s fine, I know I don’t deserve to be loved.
this makes me depressed whenever i think about it
and i feel tired of living because i think my life is boring
and i am worthless anyway.
EVERYONE deserves to be and feel loved and cared about…if the folks around you are not helping you feel like a full real person…then perhaps it’s not you that needs adjustment.
I’m just here to let you know that no one can make you become incredible or unworthy…that’s up to you. I’m simply trying to help you to see that by loving yourself is a good place to start.
Idk if any of this helps… but you’re definitely loved here on HeartSupport
I can relate to this. Social anxiety has always been one of my major struggles in life. When I was younger and as an adult. I’m awkward and feel like I make a fool of myself trying to fit in or say the right things, which results in me being kinda like how you stated…just wanting to end it quick and get away from it. So I can understand that emotion that you struggle with. It makes sense.
I have done a lot of this, especially the last year. Where I made myself put myself out there. To try to connect to other people. To try to break out of the cycle of isolating and just existing. And it was totally worth it! I have made a couple really good friends that are healthy and I’m so happy to have them. But like you said, I have a hard time giving them the attention they deserve. My mental and social energy often putters out due to other life things. Other life stresses. And doesn’t always leave room for being social, hanging out or going places. Fortunately I have people who mostly understand and they don’t see me as cold, but when they reach out to do things, I often dont have energy for it, so I carry a lot of guilt about it. I worry about neglecting my relationships. So I can relate to the feelings you expressed here too. You are not alone my friend.
As an autistic, I have a hard time vibing with people. Sometimes I just don’t connect to certain people. Its not because they did anything wrong. So it leaves things feeling awkward, me not knowing what to say, me not having anything interesting to say and because I am autistic, I have struggles making eye contact. I have always been this way. As I become comfortable with people, I can make better eye contact but even with those I trust, I still struggle. Friend, these are very natural and human things to feel and experience. You’d be surprised at how many other people can actually relate and understand everything you put here.
You shouldn’t be afraid to express yourself because there may be someone who understands it and can talk to you about it when you are willing and able.
It can be hard knowing what to say to people that are hurting or are struggling. Even I, who has such a passion in helping others, often falls speechless and not knowing what to say. Sometimes people tell me things and I just don’t know how to respond. They will write up a whole novel of stress going on and then Im sitting here feeling awful because all I know how to say is “Im sorry ):” - But you know what, friend? Sometimes people just need someone to be there. To listen. To offer compassion, love, patience and understanding. To simply love a person and not judge them for what they are going through goes a long way. You could even tell them “I don’t always know what to say, but I want you to know that I care. Even though I can’t fix it, I care and I’m sorry you are having a hard time. I support you” Something as simple as that can really comfort someone. Or simply saying “I don’t fully now what to say, but if you want to go see a movie or something, Id be willing to do that if it would help take your mind off of things” <3
You are NOT lame and worthless.
You do NOT suck.
You are NOT too dumb to handle this world.
I’m sure your friends do NOT hate you.
It’s okay to struggle. Struggling does not make you lame and worthless. It doesn’t make you less lovable and valuable. It just means you may need a little guidance. And that is okay.
You do not suck just because you have things that may be challenging for you.
You are not dumb just because sometimes you struggle to know how to respond or react to something.
Your friends I doubt hate you. Maybe like my own, they struggle to understand. I had to help my friends understand my autism. My mental health diagnoses. So they could have better understanding of why I burn out. Friends will be supportive of that. Just talk to them. Explain to them <3
Friend, I am so glad that you opened up here and shared some of your feelings. I could relate to basically all that you shared. You are not alone. And you do not have to be. There is a large community here that always seems to have someone willing to talk. Have you joined our discord? https://discord.gg/mzxr8q If you havent, here’s the link. I encourage you to reach out there in the #realtalk when you need a friend. And check out all of the resources available to you.
You don’t suck, you don’t really need friends to be happy. You have a family that loves you, stay calm, having a low self esteem will only make things worse. Sometimes not even trying to make friends will help. Friendships happen naturally, don’t worry.