I want to run away

Things in my house escalate from zero to one hundred in my house really quickly. I can barely hold my own anymore. It feels like everything I do isn’t good enough, even though, my one of the better kids, I try my hardest to get good grades, but that isn’t good enough, I bring home papers for my dad to sign so I can work and help pay the bills, but that’s not good enough, I help any and everyone I can, but that’s not good enough either. I try so hard to be a good person, but it just backfires right in my face. I don’t think I can do this anymore, it makes my depression worse, which causes my anxiety to skyrocket. Every time I bring up spending a few days away from everything, my dad just says I can always go back to living with my mom. First off, he knows dang well, I left because of how abusive she was, how she restricted our meals, how she would neglect our needs, how she would manipulate us, and how she would constantly drink. Secondly, he knows she doesn’t want to see me anymore, just for the simple fact that she wants to be in control of me, and keep her reputation. I don’t understand how people can do this, treat some kids with respect and honor, but then turn around and be so rude to another, I can’t do it anymore, I want to run away. I don’t want to be anywhere near this godforsaken state, If someone where to kidnap me within the next week or so, I don’t think I’d protest

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When I was a kid I thought likje this often. I am not close to my family as an adult. If you hang in there I bet you’ll find as an adult you’re better off older & wiser than as a child.