Ok well I met my girlfriend Jasmin through a friend, she’s German and i’m from the U.K. We’ve known each other since August last year and she asked me about 3 months ago if I want to be with her and it made me so happy I can’t put into the words, we’re really alike in how we think and the thing’s we’ve been through. But recently It feels like she is drifting away from me and I don’t know why. We argue more and more and it’s mainly me starting them. Over stupid things I guess. A little about us I’m 21 currently looking for work and have many problems that catch up to me sometimes and get on the top of me from the past. And she is 20 we like simple things we call each other every now and then we watch anime and movies together and just speak for hours but it’s gotten less and less recently. And I’ve noticed it. I overthink things because of my insomnia and stay awake for days thinking about horrible things. I speak to her about it, she’s not the best with words and I understand because I’m the same.
I don’t know if it’s me showing to much love or her just being cold in nature, and like I said it feels like she is drifting away, I’ve asked her about it and she said it’s not the case but I don’t believe her. Also she said she was coming to visit me in March then changed it April and now I don’t have a clue. She’s told me she want’s a life with me because she has nothing in Germany no friends hardly no family and the family she has she doesn’t speak to.
Is it me trying to rush things or is it her trying to put off things? I want me and her to last so it feels like I am rushing things sometimes, but it feels like she’s pulling away from a lot of things.
Hi friend. Long distant relationships can be really hard. I’ve been through them. I’ve also lived as a military spouse where my spouse had to be gone for months and sometimes a year at a time. So I know the issues that can come with distance.
It sounds like if you want this to work that you guys just need a really good heart to heart. A moment where you guys can be open minded to each other, understanding and patient. Hear each other out. That way you can get on the same page with feelings and work on the things that might be causing issue.
You say you argue a lot and usually you are the one to start it. Ask yourself why these arguments are happening and what needs to improve so that they aren’t happening anymore or as frequent. What can happen to make those things better?
In order to make a relationship function especially at a distance a couple things are necessary.
Honesty/Trust
Communication
It’s so important to have these two things in order to make any kind of relationship function. You have to be able to communicate and be open honestly. You have to be able to share with each other. But with that, also comes a need for
Patience
Compassion
Open Mindedness
If you can find these things within yourself and each other, you can come through these difficulties. It’s not always easy and it takes some effort and commitment, but it makes all of the difference.
So just talk to each other and try to be understanding of one another. See what you can do to achieve these things and maybe rekindle the things that now feel so distant.
I hope you guys can refind that closeness. So much love to you.
Communication is very hard in relationships, especially when it comes down to things you don’t usually talk about which is the speed the relationship moves at. This is usually something that is ‘felt’ rather than talked about, which works in some cases, but in other cases it just creates confusion and a lack of trust. Your situation is the latter. But it sounds like both of you really love eachother, and if you do then there’s always a way to make it work. I would recommend just being honest that you’re confused and ask her if things need to slow down and if you’re rushing her. You might be rushing her, but she might be just putting it off. You can’t really tell unless you talk about. Which is hard. But I believe in you. Doing hard things makes us better people and relationships that go through hard things can become stronger.