Hello all. First time posting here, I just stumbled across this website google searching “I Broke someones heart”. I apologize in advance because I don’t know how long this is going to be until I feel I’m able to thoroughly explain myself, thank you for bearing with me.
Im here today to tell you the story about how I went ghost on the only girl who’s ever loved me and the first girl I’ve ever grew feelings for. My reason for being here is hopefully someone can help me better understand my actions and help me with what I’m dealing with internally.
I don’t really know how to start this off but I’ll start by giving a little information about us.
I had this really good friend that I knew since school. we started to get close to each other many years later when we just so happen to work together. Sooner or later we started to care for each other and started to grow even closer together. We weren’t in a relationship rather just really close friends.
We would be on and off due to it not being established about what we were. This went on for about a year. For some reason I didn’t like the idea of being in a relationship. However I knew this was what the girl was anticipating with how much she liked me and what she saw in me due to my character and personality. She was amazing. Such a beautiful girl, so funny. So smart. Has such a good head on her shoulders and bright future ahead of her. of course she had some flaws but don’t we all? I was 17-18 at the time and I felt like I’m just not ready for commitment. Almost rather afraid of it to be honest. I would get scared of the idea. But I enjoyed the (I hate to use this word) convenience of having a really close friend I could count on. I also feel as if I was influenced by my friend who had just went through a bad relationship. Basically allowed him to project his fears into me as he was trying to help me and my best interest.
Fast forward that went on for the year span that it did, and then I started to warm up to the idea of it. Being with her. Our roots were intertwining and growing so beautifully strong together at this point.
And this is were it starts to get bumpy. I was getting nervous. Doubting myself now that I think back on it. Doubting my ability. I’m very confident person by nature but sometimes My con’s outweigh my pro’s. Im human I suppose.
we were basically together at this point, just no title yet. She adored me and I adored her. We knew we had each other backs at the end of the day but she wanted the stability and confirmation of the title. She wanted me to ask her to be my girlfriend. I kind of just kept prolonging it because in my eyes we were already rock solid.
And now that I’ve gotten you up to speed I’m now going to start to explain how I ended up breaking her heart as a byproduct of my actions of going ghost on her (unintentionally If you’ll believe me).
I started to withdraw from her, less and less communication, unanswered texts throughout the day. I don’t know what was going through my mind. I had such a good thing going. Why would I risk it all? I lifted this girl so high up just to pull out everything from underneath her.
Soon Her birthday was coming up and we had arranged plans. I didn’t end up answering her that day. Again I don’t know what I was thinking. She was distraught. Devastated. Her mind was left alone with no explanation of why I was withdrawing. I can only imagine what was going through her mind.
That was the last day we talked. On her birthday. She stopped texting me because I wasn’t replying.
I knew I was causing her pain. I knew it. Why did I do what I did? I know you can’t speak for my actions but might be able to show me what I can’t see.
If it’s any constellation I texted her two days ago to tell her I apologize for what I did to her. She told me she forgave me a long time ago and moved on from it. I told her thank you for telling me you forgive me. However I don’t think I deserve to be friends with her after what I did.
Fast forward 4 months later. Today. Here I am, still feeling guilty. I have every right to be. My feelings are results of my actions therefore I have to embrace it and deal with it. Hopefully I gave enough back story for whom ever reads this to help me. I just want to know how do I deal with the remorse and guilt I’ve been carrying?