I am a very sensitive person and I just can’t talk about my problems to anyone in person because it’s all just so very hard for me because the last time I did the person I told (I’ve been depressed and tried 5+ attempts on my life) they went and told my aunt but she already knew because I was texting her daughter(my cousin). I felt comfortable talking to her over text and would make me feel better venting to her because she was chill about it and kinda went through the same thing. So my aunt knew that I tried to hurt myself because my cousin had been showing her the text that I sent. Now I know that she was just probably worried and that completely understandable but I was texting HER not my aunt and it made me sad knowing that I couldn’t trust anyone anymore. Fast forward my aunt said that I should go to the ER and I did, when we got there (me and my dad, the one who brought me to my aunt and ER) told me to tell them everything but I didn’t want to and told him to tell them and he did and they got me into a hospital to make me better, honestly it was the best thing ever because there it was just so peaceful and I even made new friends and I liked it there, until it came visiting time(parents come to visit there kids for a while) and when I saw my dad I was just sad all over again, it was like all the pain just came back when I saw him and it finally hit when I relaxed that the reason I was so happy there was because everyone else had went through the same thing and knows what’s it like,meanwhile my dad and the rest of my family thinks im either faking it or thinks I can’t have so much pain since I don’t have a job or that im too young and don’t know the real struggles of adults so another fast forward over time I realized that I just simply don’t care about things anymore it’s like the spark of excitement was completely gone and love, I live with my father and my sister and to me they just feel like living with strangers. My dad killed my love for him along time ago when he would always compare me to my family members who were the same age as me and get mad at me for not comprehending fast enough and never wanting to hear my side of the story and always listening to others and always find a way to defend himself when apologizing to me and so on… in my eyes I’m just a little girl that’s goons get crushed when I enter the real world. And my sister she has done a lot of bad things which makes our family members look down on her and what’s the worst part is she would tell me the things and ask me to keep it a secret and ask me to open the door for her when he would come home late and my dad would always ask me questions about where she was but I was scared because I didn’t want to tell my on sister but also didn’t want to lie and plus my sister had messaged me about things so he went through the messy and found out anyways and my sister got mad at me and blah blah (I was 12–13 and very soft) she also has a change in attitude when one minute she mad then she’s happy for example today we were waiting on new phones but she told me that someone texted that the phones would not be able to come in, about 10 minutes late I was stairing out the window because I was like bored and she came and ask me “did they come yet” (the phones) and told her “didn’t you say there weren’t coming “ and then she got all mad telling me to stop having such a smart mouth and open the door to see if they came which was not on the front porch and she though it was in the mail box but didn’t want to walk to the main box, she acted like everything was normal talking casual as if she didn’t say anything hurtful to me and just went on about seeing a fed ex truck thinking to was the phones and went back in her room. I stood there and a few tears went down because me and her never had a good relationship because apparently I’m a “snitch” but I wouldn’t have if she just lived a normal teen life and not mess it up for a toxic boy and our mother who did bad things to our father,she moved with her two years ago but came back when she was getting abused like how our mother abused our father in there relationship long ago. Anyways now I’m in my room typing things wanting to run way and jump of a bridge and not talking to my sister or my father because I’m sad rn but I’m going to try to express my feelings more and tell them what hurts and it they don’t understand well then I’ll genus’s they’ll understand when they see my open casket. Honestly I think I need to take a break and to go somewhere like a boarding school, I just wish I was born into another family or somewhere where I won’t see them because I’m an extrovert and I’m always forced to interact with family members that I don’t want to and no one gets how I feel, like I’m really close to just ending it all because atp I just feel confused about my own future and what’s gonna happen but I know that it would change if I was away from everybody. It just felt great when I was a stranger at the hospital and then made new friends because they didn’t think bad of me and understood where I was coming from. Anyways yea that’s why I wanna go to a boarding school
2 Likes
It sounds like your family relationships are really complicated and difficult. If you are still working with the therapist, perhaps talk about specific situations that you have dealt with and ask for suggestions on how to respond to them.
At a hospital, there really can be empathy, open-mindedness and compassion, although it doesn’t work that way all the time.
At a boarding school, it’s not uncommon for there to be complicated and difficult relationships between students.
I think the best thing to do is learn how to cope with difficult people, preferably with compassionate assertiveness, wherever you are. Working with people in that way is an acquired skill, but I believe you are up to the challenge.