I wish I was better at helping


My only and best friend just hurt herself again.
It makes me incredibly sad to know about her doing that (that doesn’t mean I’d prefer not knowing).
I struggle with self-harming as well and I can’t even handle it when it’s about me and have no idea how to get rid of this habit, which means I don’t know how to help her. I wish I could do something about it, but I just tell her the same stupid stuff over and over again, like “it’ll get better eventually”, which I believe is true for her, or telling her that she’s perfect (with more detail, like naming all the things I like about her), since the reason that she does it is self-hatred.

All I can do is try to make her belive that it gets better and she’ll get rid of it someday and will be happy.
But I don’t think it changes much for her, because I tell her that same shit every time. It’s better than nothing I guess, but I wish I could do more for her.
I wish I had the power to grant her all the happiness she deserves and to take all sadness away from her, even if that’d mean to take it on me.
It’s so frustrating that I can not do that and I have to see her suffer without being able to do anything that really helps.
She lives about 500 kilometres away from me, so just meeting her and spending time with her is not an option, though I’m sure that might actually work, it seems to be the only thing that really distracts her from the bad stuff going on inside her head.

She’s seeing a therapist every 2 weeks. That helps her, but it’s by far not enough.

What can I do for her?
What can I say or do to make her feel better?
If you guys have friends with those struggles, what do you do to help them?
Please give me some advice if you can, then maybe I’ll be able to

  1. help her
  2. get better myself

Thanks in advance.

I’m sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors, english is not my first language and it’s 5am for me, I’m really tired.

Hey friend!
I know how you feel. When you want to offer more than you already are, but sometimes you just can’t.
It’s totally okay to be broken together. Relate to her. Keep each other accountable. For example, write or say words of affirmation to and over yourself and ask her to do the same. Remind her and let her remind you and keep it going. Tell each other how its going. What’s working. Share songs with positive message, tell her why maybe it’s helped you. Or inspirational quotes (that are honest).

The best i can say is just be relational. Allow her to tell you how she feels and tell her how you’re feeling to and then maybe brainstorm ways of how you can help each other get better.
Theres a few tumblr pages that helped me so much when i was going through a lot of doubting/not accepting my self-worth.
Theres a few reposts and likes on my Tumblr account that should be available. my username is @radiomirrorspectacle if you wanna look for some encouragement there.
Amongst other things, God used some of those posts to really get me through a lot and i hope and pray He’ll do the same with the both of you. Things will get better, God’s got you and He’ll help you out if you allow Him. I promise, you won’t regret it.
Hold fast! Praying for you. <3


Thank you so much.
All of that is very good advice and I’ll try it. I looked on your tumblr page for a moment and liked what I saw. I’ll read some more later, for now I’ll try to get some sleep, it’s 7am for me and I didn’t sleep yet.

Even though I do not believe in god, I do appreciate you including me in your prayers, that really means a lot to me, it really does.
Thank you.

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I agree with ness. Just be there for her when she is willing to talk. Do little extra things like positive quotes or lifting music sharing. You could “netflix & chill” with her watching some comedy or light hearted movies.

Pretty much hanging out works as well. Kepp each other’s minds occupied until you’re ready or she is ready to deal with the issues that are messing you all up.

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I’m sure hanging out would work, but:

We try to meet once every month, but we can’t meet more often, because it’s expensive and she can’t just not go to work that much and I can’t not go to university and skip my lectures that often.