I’m sorry but I can’t stop thinking about me being dead. I can’t stop wishing I wasn’t here so I could just stop feeling the pain. My family keeps fighting and can’t compromise. I keep self harming. I’m scared that my dad won’t love me because I’m trans. I feel so worthless. I feel like such a burden. My brain keeps telling me that I’m not worth it. Why can’t I just get better. How can I have such a good day and then I can’t see any hope. Why is it like it. God why can’t my family just stop fighting.
You’re not a burden and you’re worth as much as everybody else is. It won’t get easier to be honest at the moment, whether your trans, gay, straight, white black your the same as everyone else, don’t feel like your worth nothing because you are, I know how hard it is not wanting to be here
I’m trying so much to get better. I’m on meds, I’m getting help. I even gone to a ward but I don’t seem any better. I feel worse. I keep falling down and down into this and finally I have a good day. The first good day in years, and then it’s gone and everything is terbile again and it gets worse. It’s just so hard to keep going when I feel worse than the day before and not better.
I get that, it’s like you finally can breathe a little bit easier and then all of a sudden it’s back but worse.
It’s hard to think so but I just have to keep reminding myself that if I did go I would ruin the peoples lives who are around me also, because they care. Exactly like it would be for you
Even that is hard because my brain has convince me that I’m just hurting them and they would be better without me. I feel such like the scum of the earth. I feel like anyone near me is hurt just by being near me.
You’re not doing anything I’m feeling the way you doe, but it’s hard when it’s set in your brain that you’re the problem. I find that blaming yourself is easy.
It really is easy. I just wish that I could just stop it.
Me too, easier said than done isn’t it
Yes, yes it is. Thank you I’m feeling a little bit better.
Don’t thank me, I know on some level how you feel different circumstances, if you need To reach out to feel free anytime x
I’m so sorry hearing about your family fighting, it’s always hard having to hear your parents fight especially if you’re an empath (easy to identify with and connect with other peoples feelings) since it drains you.
I know this is the oldest answer in the book and probably tiresome to hear, but hang in there and in time things will get better. You will get a job/study and move out into your own place where you set your own rules and company.
Remember that you are not a burden, you are a phenomenal young human that’s worth just as much as anyone else. Even if it feels dark at times right now, remember that you’re only experiencing a “needle in a haystack” sized social circle, place you live and people you meet. There are billions of people out there, and lot’s of wonderful places all waiting to be seen and experienced. Don’t let the small needlepoint of your current situation define your view of the world and people, just take a look here in these forums and you get a peek at nice people not being or acting toxic like your parents are doing right now.
As I said, I know it’s small comfort in knowing things will get better in time- but hang in there, chat with us when you feel the need and soon enough it will be here.
Sorry if any formulations are weird, I hope you get my meaning. English is not my primary language haha.
It’s fine what you said really helped. Thank you
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