Lately, I feel like I’ve been failing at everything. My heart says I’m trying my best at everything, but my head says I suck at everything even when it’s my best. That eventually has turned into feeling stupid and worthless. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Apart from feeling like a failure, I recently found out one of my closest friends has cancer and she’s my age. I feel like there’s more I could do for her. How do you go about supporting her and encouraging her. I don’t want to start saying she’ll be okay, if she isn’t feeling good, you know. I don’t know. But I know I don’t need to sit around and do nothing. I mean I’m still there to talk to her. Should I treat her like normal? I don’t want to alienate her. I want her to know how much I believe in her.
I would recommend treating her as normally as you can and just pay attention to her reactions as best you can. Be prepared for heavy emotional talks because those can definitely be present but I think you should approach it the way she wants you too, because everyone is different. And being attentive is the best way of supporting anyone regardless of what happened to them. Let them set the rules with you and play by them; that will mean the world to the person you are talking to :),
The way I would say it would be " Hey friendo, I heard about the diagnosis. How are you feeling? Is there anything I could do to help?" Make sure th focus is on them not on you.
As for the heart ignores brain bit, I’d start making a list of positive things in your life. Things you’re good at, times where you’ve succeeded or things have turned out better than expected. It’s a lot harder for that self loathing loop to strike when you have a physical list in front of you. hearts tend to react when proof like that is laid out in front of them.
For further reading: https://youtu.be/s_GaNaCwlAk
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Hey, Friend,
I felt like when my uncle went through cancer there were days where I knew he was going to make it. then he lost the battle he won cancer once and got it again lost him two years ago but I believe that she will win the fight she will win in Jesus name I pray. I believe you are not worthless but you are worth more than anything else in life.
Hey there,
First off, you are not worthless or a failure, even when that annoying voice in your head says you are. The brain is supposed to be the voice of reason, but sometimes we need to take a step back and realize that its logic is often coming from a very flawed place, and we need to guide it into a healthier place.
If you are trying, you are doing amazing. It doesn’t matter if you do fail things, tests, classes, projects, whatever-- trying is doing no matter what the end result is. And I’m massively proud of you for continuing to try even when you’re feeling down and your head is telling you to give up.
You’re a good friend for wanting to support and care for your friend in her time of illness. It can be impossible to just know what a person needs in hard times, so I’d suggest gently asking her how she’s been feeling since the diagnosis, and telling her that no matter what happens, you’re here for her and you’ll do your best if there’s anything you can do to help and support her. Just letting someone know that you are there is already a big show of support and belief. So asking her what she really needs in this time is probably a good idea so you can be as supportive as possible.
I know it’s very hard to deal with feelings of inadequacy. Sometimes it feels impossible. But you are never, never worthless no matter what you fail, no matter what you feel like you’ve failed at. Some regular counseling might be very good if you’re not currently attending any sessions; a counselor can help you sort out why you feel this way, and untangle all the things you’ve been experiencing that leave you feeling so stuck.
I’m proud of you for being brave, seeking help, and wanting to support your friend even when you aren’t feeling as well as you could be.
Much love.
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I want to thank each and everyone of you. I will be working on letting go of the negative in my life to see the more important things, the ones that matter. I have thought about finding someone to talk to about everything that’s been going on. I just don’t really trust anyone around where I live. Mostly because I’ve been living here so long that I know most the people or families living here. I want to talk to someone outside that can give me a different perspective. I have some deep things I know I need to talk about, stuff that I’m afraid to share with anyone and even on here. I know there’s things that need work, and I know that I will get to them. I hate to have to put them off, but I’m waiting for the right time and person. I know that’s dumb. I know I shouldn’t wait, I know prolonging it makes it worse but… just for now, I’m doing my best to make sure I’m surrounded by love and encouragement, whether in art, or music, or my loved ones. I’m not saying my pain and scars are unimportant, I know how detrimental my mental health is. I know that taking care of myself is just as important as taking care of my daughter. I know those things. And I will get help, I promise! And thank you for reminding of my worth!
As for my friend, thank you for reminding me to ask her and be aware of how she feels. I hate to say that I got lost in how to feel when its more important to put her first, so to speak. I haven’t had the chance to just sit with her and talk to her about how’s she’s been as far as finding out her diagnosis, but I intend to soon.
Thank you all so much!
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Hey bro, no shame. Please don’t feel guilty about it. Life is hard on everyone and we’re all doing the best we can. I’m just glad we could help. But the thing we are all striving for is to be better than the person we used to be.
And we got you back. When any of us succeeds, it means that there is hope for all of us . 
Keep us posted if you can 
I think the main thing this forum gives people is hope. So if you could share that with us you would help a ton.
Best wishes,
Walrus
small update,
i’m still struggling with my worth, but i feel small changes every once in a while. so i know i’m getting better, but i can’t say that all better. something feels off still. it’s like the moment before you realize your shirt is on backwards, you know something isn’t right and then realize it when you look in the mirror.
my friend is doing okay for now. they are on the watch and wait. i believe she is taking chemo but they aren’t being as evasive as i thought they were going to be when we first found out. the cancer isn’t as advanced as most cases are. i still haven’t had the chance to hang out with her since she found out. she’s been staying away from a lot of things like going out unless she has to just so that she doesn’t catch anything like the crud because even that could be detrimental to her health. i miss her. it feels lonely not being about to see her.
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