I’m just wasting my dad’s money. I’m so useless and yet he hasn’t lost hope in me.
Just from them two lines it shows your dad loves you and wants to support you. Why do you think it is the money is being wasted?
Because I have 0 motivation to do anything, even if I force myself I am able to achieve nothing. I am still always sad, and deliberating whether running away will be better than continually disappointing everyone I love.
It sounds like you are being really hard on yourself right now. I get it though. Feeling like a complete failure and disappointment is really rough thing to experience. However, it’s especially during these times that we need to challenge our thoughts a little more and seek truth in what we say, or think.
You said for example that you are not able to achieve anything, and that can’t be true. You are here already. You’re reaching out. You’ve posted about how you feel. In a world where vulnerability is often perceived as a weakness, where it is judged and perceived negatively, I would say that daring to reach out is a freaking huge accomplishment. You may not see it like this though… and that’s probably where the issue is. Not in you, of course. But in the perception you may have of yourself. And I would imagine that being always sad certainly affects that as well.
What makes you believe/feel that you disappoint everyone? Where you told by your dad or other people that that was the case?
What would it be for you to not be disappointment? What are the standards you aim to achieve?
If you’d like to talk about it, we’re willing to listen right here and support you to find some clarity through these painful feelings and throughts that you have. I can tell that, sometimes, I feel the way you do, like a complete burden and disappointment to the people I love. But then I realize that it’s actually the reflection of what I think of myself, and not how my loved ones see me. I only want you to reach that personal realization too. You deserve to see and embrace the beauty that is within you, but might be out of your sight at the moment because of life circumstances or deep feelings. Let’s try to get rid of that veil, little by little, friend.
You are worthy of love and care. You are not a failure. You are able to do great things, and the people who love you, know you and care for you are able to see that in you.
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