Idk anymore

From alex07xd.: Im not ok and i cant tell why everything is just getting worse and worse i dont know how much more i can take all i can think about is just ||killing myself or cuting|| and i feel like everyone hates me and their not weong to feel like that i feel like i did something wrong but i dont know what i did, no mater what i try its just geting to the piont where im geting numb basically 24/7 all i can do is just stand there everything going on at once and i cant stop it or even try to calm it down i dont know how much more i can take even just breathing is getting hard again and just looking in the mirror makes me feel sick eating makes me feel sick, all i feel is numb and like im going to vomit i dont want to keep going i dont want to breath anymore, i can even just breath wih out feeling like its a choke everything is to fucking much walking feels like im waited i feel like i have weights all over me no mater what im doing. I feel like im stuck in a fucking cikel and i cant fucking get out i dont want to keep doing this i cant keep doing this

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Thank you so much for opening up and sharing your heart with us. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. Sometimes life feels like a never ending struggle. It’s as if someone has entered you in a boxing match that you never wanted to enter and you have to fight someone twice your size. All you can see is the fists coming as they hit you everywhere, and you keep being knocked to the ground. Your mind isn’t even on the fight anymore and winning is not your goal, all you can think about is trying to stand back up and recollect yourself. But even that feels impossible.

Life is a strong fighter who can really put on the hurt. It’s jabs sting and the wounds it inflicts may last for a long time, but just like in every fight, the bell will ring and the fight will stop. It may feel like these punches will never relent and that you will never stop being subjected to this pain and hurt, but I assure you, that bell is coming.

I hope you know that truly and deeply, you are so loved. These words can sometimes sound cliche or overused, but they are so incredibly true. You matter so much. Though it may be full of hurt, anguish, sorrow, and depression right now, your life is something to cherish. I wish I could reach through this screen and take away all of the burdens you are carrying, but sadly I can’t. What I can do is listen and commend you for opening up. Taking that bold step of faith to discuss what has been plaguing you is incredibly courageous, and I respect you so much for doing so. The world truly is such a better place with you in it. When that bell rings and the fight is over, your story will have the power to impact so many people’s lives. You will be able to pull people out of the same trenches that brought you down, encouraging and caring for so many. You have a purpose and your life has meaning. As tempting as it may sound to end your circumstances, don’t end your chance for improvement. Stay. For a better future. For your future spouse. For your future children. For all of the people you will impact with your story of outlasting the hurt. FOR YOU! You have so much amazing life left to live and countless more happy memories to make. Stay here to make them. We at HeartSupport are always here for you in struggle. You are cherished and you mean so much. Holdfast- we love you and we believe in you.

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I’m so glad you reached out. You are loved and welcome here and not alone. I’m glad you are able to say and recognize that you are not ok. It’s so important to be able to say that and it’s ok that you feel that way. So often we put on a mask and try to hide it, when the best thing we can do is be honest and vulnerable and you are doing that! I’m so sorry you are feeling hopeless and overwhelmed. I totally understand your frustration with feeling stuck in a cycle that seems never ending. It can be super scary. I’ve had seasons in my life where I’ve felt like there was no hope and I was drowning from fear, frustration, numbness and feeling like no one understands. It’s a difficult place to be in but I want you to know that there IS hope even when we’re feeling trapped. Expressing our thoughts brings light to the darkness we are feeling and once light enters the equation, the darkness can’t survive for long. When I was in a similar situation, feeling like everyone was against me, I constantly wrote everything down. I was able to unload without judgement from anyone and I just let go on paper. It provided relief and helped me sort through emotions. It’s so important to share and not bury our feelings and I’m so proud of you for doing that here! This is a safe place to express how you are feeling! I feel your pain and I want you to know that we are here for you. I’ll be praying that you continue to open up and for strength to continue taking one step at a time. Know that you matter and you are loved and there is hope for you!

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Friend, I’m so sorry to hear about the pain you’ve been living through–my heart breaks for you. I just so badly wish for this time of hurt to be over for you, but it makes me so happy that you have reached out for help!
In seasons of life when I’m feeling overwhelmed and crushed by the weight of life’s circumstances I find that focusing on and overcoming just one single task can provide motivation and energy to push through another day. It’s so easy to feel helpless when we try to size-up and take on all of our problems at once–perhaps you can similarly find one area to focus on and experience triumph. The feeling of small victories can sometimes overcome present dark circumstances.
I don’t say this lightly–I am praying right now that you are able to connect with the help you need whether that be loved ones around you helping through this time of hurt and darkness or professional counselors. Your life has endless worth, and though I imagine it’s very difficult to see the hope outside of your circumstances, please keep fighting! Rooting for you friend; you can overcome this!

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