I shouldnt be depressed… I should be happy… I AM happy… I have a mom who’s done a lot to help me with my mental health over the last year… I have a boyfriend who treats me like a MF queen, I have nieces who think I’m a superhero, and I have friends who love me…
And yet, I can’t help but feel like a burden on those who love me… I hate the panic attacks, I hate the depression, I hate it all, but it’s there and I can’t stop it… As soon as I think I’m doing okay that’s when it hits… And I feel alone, and worthless, and like I will never belong or matter… I’ve thought about reaching out to my mother, but she’s got her own stuff going on and I don’t want to burden her with my problems…
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Hello,
Thank you for trusting us and sharing your concerns with us. We’re glad to have you here!
You’ve listed the first things you “have” and the the way you “feel”.
It’s wonderful to have a support system, but do they know you need support right now when you’re hurting?
Often times we tend to isolate ourselves because we don’t want to appear ungrateful or needy or whiny, we don’t want to hurt others by showing them we’re hurting. But if you’re being distressed by these feelings, if you’re having panic attacks and depression, then it may be very useful for you to talk to someone. Talking to someone may help you identify exactly what’s going or what issues are causing the most distress.
You are loved and appreciated, we care about you and your progress and we’ll try however we can to support you in the journey.
Can you access a therapist or counselor to talk to? Is there a trusted person who you can talk to who may be equipped to listen to you?
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Also, everyone needs support at some point in their lives. It’s not weakness or ungratefulness or anything like that. Something we need coping skills or new strategies to deal with stuff, sometimes we need meds to help regulate the brain stuff.
You’re already brave to ask for help/advice here!
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Hey new friend,
Lets turn that shouldn’t into something better. The thing about mental illness is it hits even when we “shouldn’t” have it. Its okay! Mental illness is cruel and steals our joy when we least expect it. Lows happen. You’re not alone in that feeling. Hold tight to those things that make life worth living (your partner, nieces, friends, etc). Remember that all those people care.
I also struggle with depression/mental illness and feeling like a burden. Its a lie our mind tells us though. I promise you that you are not worthless and that better days are coming.
Do you have a therapist you work through this with? That might be a good start. I got to a point where I ended up inpatient then in a virtual intensive outpatient treatment program because of my depression. Its been helpful. If you can, see if there are options for you. You don’t have to go through this alone and deserve help if you want it.
I’m sending you so much love. And some hugs. I hope with everything within me that you are able to get help, find healing, and truly see that you are not the lies your mental illness and mind are creating to bring you down. You are so much more than this darkness.
with love,
Bethy
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@Mya_aizawa2001
I am so sorry that you are in this area of life but let me just say that depression is not defined by lack of good things to find joy in. It is this terrible thing that makes us down hurts our soul as a hole. But it doesnt mean that you arent seeing the things that are good. You just are stuck with this over arching black cloud as I like to call it. I also like to picture the donkey eeyore who is a very down and sad and gloom filled character he cant get out of it everyone tries but he just cant. That is what depression does it takes away what and all the things we find joy in. You are so not alone in this.
I know deep down that you want to fix this and not feel this worthlessness or this lack of belonging or not mattering but that is a tough one to ever just out right stop. Your health and your well being is not defined by the fact you have depression. You are not burdening those around you with it. Its just something that you will have to deal with like I deal with medical issues on a daily basis they may effect every little aspect of what I do or how I do it but that doesnt stop me from trying hard to do them. Its not about if you finish it is about how you try. I like to think of this as the turtle and the rabbit story of how they race and the rabbit rushes to try and complete it but lots happens however the slow and easy going turtle ended up winning because he didnt rush he took his time. Some things in life will be easier but others wont and you may have to take them at a pace of a turtle but that doesnt discredit the time and the energy and the work you did. Jumping to try and fix ourselves just results in us having to try again or having to repair it later so why not instead take baby steps. Perhaps talk to the boy friend about the struggles of feeling alone and worthless to help you find those skills to know that hey this person doesnt see me that way.
Just know you are loved, you are cherished, you are valued, and no matter what life gives you there is support here.
Hold fast
Ash
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Hey @Mya_aizawa2001,
Thank you so much for sharing about all of this here and allowing yourself to be vulnerable, especially while struggling with a fear of being a burden to others. Know that you’re absolutely not a burden for struggling and sharing how you feel. So many times we convince ourselves that our problems are not worth the time and energy of others while really, it is. It’s about you. It’s about how you feel and how those feelings affect you in your daily life. It’s not nothing. It’s extremely important.
Being depressed is not something you’ve chosen. It can be tempting for you to invalidate how you feel because you’d have everything to be happy. Unfortunatey, depression doesn’t work that way. On the outside, we can have everything to be happy yet not feeling okay. Because depression is not really about external circumstances. Of course, it plays a role in our happiness, but it’s not everything. What happens within us, how we see ourselves, the things we see as being true or not, how we envision our future, how we process our past… these are all things that contribute to how we feel on a daily basis. It’s very intimate, personal, and is absolutely valid. Feeling alone, worthless, like you don’t belong or matter… these are reasons you’ve identified, and valid reasons to not feel okay.
Your burdens are valid. And I’d like to say that none of them make you ungrateful for what you have. In fact, you’re still able to see that you have a loving boyfriend, awesome nieces and wonderful friends. Sometimes we just have internal walls that make it dificult to actually embrace and enjoy those things.
I want to encourage you to reach out to your mom. If you feel like it something that you’d like to do, then it would be good to follow your intuition. The hardest part is to reach out. To make the first step. To say “I’m not okay”. To get rid of the shame we can feel while navigating those feelings. But reaching out is a healthy thing to do. It seems that you have people you can rely on, which includes difficult times too! You are not less lovable or different because your struggle. You are still the friend, daughter, partner they all know. They’d just be invited to see a different part of you, which is a deep mark of trust from you too. It’s okay to break down the isolation we feel when we struggle. Just like you’ve reached out to us here, I believe in you and your ability to talk to your mom as well. These are good steps to take for yourself.
You are loved. You are seen. You are not alone. We are all rooting for you right here.
Know that there is no shame for feeling depressed. I am chronically depressed, and the most freeing thing for me has been to learn to be open about it, so I can receive the support I need too.
Don’t let isolation take the best of you. You are worth so much more! 
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Hello Mya_aizawa2001
Depression is complicated and it doesnt choose… like any other illness. It just happends. You feel like this because of depression. You are not worthless you just feel like it sometimes, but if you ask the people that love you they would not consider you to be a burden or worthless. They love you for who you are.
Everybody has their ups and downs. Sometimes we give help and love and sometimes we receive it. That is just the way things are. If your friend or a loved one was in need of help you would not consider them to be a burden. You would be there for them the same way they are here for you. Because that is what people who care about each other do. Because they love each other.
I would like to ask you if you are currently taking any antidepressants or going to a therapy. Those two things can really help you with the way you feel. You deserve to be happy and loved because you love and you care. Everybody needs a little help sometimes and there is nothing wrong with that. The opposite actually. These moment can show you who you real friends are and who truly cares about you.
Take care now.
Bye.
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Mya,
I’m sorry you’re going through this, mental illesses can be a lifelong hardship to overcome, and it feels like it will never get better sometimes. But it does. Dont let yourself give into the feelongs of being a burden, that may be exactly whats holding you back. These people love you, they care about you, you’re their whole world to them, dont close yourself off from their love, they’re there because they want to be, not because they have to. I get pushed away by my brother alot, because he always feels it’s too much for me. But a part of love, no matter what type it is, is going through those hardships with people. Letting them lean on you, reminding them they have someone to hold close. So please, don’t feel burdened. You are loved.
-Kio
Do you have certain triggers? Ive noticed that triggers are always the reason I relapse into that mindset, a therapist may help you when you have no one to look to. Why do you think you feel this way? Sometimes I question- actually I always question the way I feel so I can better rationalize it. Always try to make sure your feeling line up with what’s going on, it can help to remind you that you may be overthinking it.
We hope you can understand it’s okay to feel this way.
-Xaii
-System Irigiad
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