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If i made a female friend uncomfortable, is there any chance she will come back, even years later?

long story short i feel like my first mental breakdown probably made an already bad situation worse. i thought this family would be there for me no matter what, even saying things that made me believe them, only to feel betrayed in the end. i probably shouldn’t, but i do care about them and before our fallout we were on fairly good terms i thought–we spoke at church almost every week, though i do think maybe i messaged her on facebook too often. anyways one day she has her brother tell me im barely tolerable, and ignores me. this would be the trigger for my first mental breakdown–wherein i hallucinated the police were after me…so after turning myself in for a crime i didnt commit, the police called this girl and her family…when i got out of mental health, i saw the girl had blocked me everywhere, not sure if this was before or after the police thing.
Anyways, on one hand i feel like they were the ones who are responsible for shutting me out so cruelly, but at the same time i know my reaction probably made everything far worse. All this to ask if its ever possible she re-evaluates this situation and at least talks to me in some fashion? i think my main issue is just feeling like it’s unresolved and never knowing why. but truthfully i would rather try to work things out.


hello there,
sounds like a rock and a hard place type of situation. It’s rough when people leave without giving us a reason. So we cling to the hope that they might do so, to at least explain things to us. However, it sounds like a lot went down in a short period of time.

I do hope you’re doing better now. It seems there will be little to gain from holding on to hope. If the family has made a choice to end communication, that in itself is a pretty good indicator where they stand. Not everyone handles the end of a relationship well, and have a good talk. Unfortunately something it’s abrupt and sudden.

Ask yourself this: What do you hope to get out of it? If she were to contact you, what do you think would happen? And not what you hope will happen, but what is realistic? IF she already passed along messages via her brother, what would have happened since then to change her mind? If she’s already blocked you, then she is clearly setting boundaries.

As painful as it is, as unresolved as it is, we need to respect the boundaries that people have set. It sounds like by holding on to hope, you’re constantly being hurt because you haven’t closed this chapter. Maybe if you started putting them behind you, and moving on, you could be in a much better and happier mindspace.

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When someone blocks you, that means they don’t want to talk to you anymore. These are boundaries you should respect. Being annoying and toxic has been what you’ve been accused of thru out your posts here from these people. Maybe just move on, because clearly they don’t want to talk to you.

I’m sure there are other people who you can meet and have a better relationship with.

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a couple things here:
1). I have tried respecting her as best I can, and have not contacted her, in fact i never even went to the same church after the cutoff.
2). her family continued to try saying hello to me (i would wave and walk on by, because what else am i supposed to do).
3). while I respect the boundaries, I have a very hard time thinking this is acceptable behavior of a pastor and his family.
4). Her family continued liking my social media posts until i finally blocked them myself. Doesn’t seem very fair to block me and then think you can just willy nilly be able to do things that you’ve prevented me from doing. Like being talked at, not with.

I am mainly asking this question to see if other people have had relationships rebuilt even years after the falling out. maybe just seeing if there’s hope, where i should set my expectations, or something. honestly not really sure what i want. maybe what i really want is to be respected.

okay, let’s see if we can flip the script and reword things differently to see if it can help provide some different perspectives!

  1. excellent, this really is respecting her boundaries and I commend you on this!
  2. this sounds like people being civil/acknowledging your existence as a human being, not trying to bond with you. Would you prefer they stop talking to completely? Would this make it easier for you?
  3. We’ve heard your part of the story. No doubt they see it in a completely different way, and they’re doing the best they can, as you are.
  4. People liking a social media post is not a big deal for some people. It’s like typing "lol’ when you don’t even find a joke funny in the slightest. It’s just something you do, without assigning great value to it. As long as you allowed them on your social media, you gave them the right to like your posts. You can take back that control and delete them.

Overall, it sounds like they have moved on from the whole incident and are trying to treat you as civilly as possible, without getting into any deep discourse. Sort of like when people try to be friends after a breakup. They can say hello and whatnot but there are clear boundaries.

It sounds like you’re in that kind of relationship now with the family. You’re the one thinking that the relationship is still existing based on how they’re behaving. Even the question you just asked shows this. You have had a couple posts about how much their treatment of you hurt you still. I’d say there is no case for hope or expectations because you’ve seen no evidence of this. Holding on to hope is just going to keep the wound fresh, and you deserve to start healing now, and just leave that entire family in the past.

It would also help to respect yourself too, and respect and value your affection and time and mental energy. To focus on this family is not putting value on what is best or most healthy for your peace of mind and happiness. Time to focus on that, and on making peace with this. We’re here for you!

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I adore your response!!

I also think that if she had her brother tell you that, there is potential she could have tried putting distance between you and her, but perhaps you didn’t notice? I know that I often ask guy friends or my brother to do something like this when others are being too persistent.

I’m glad you have acknowledged you may have messaged her too frequently! That definitely could have been a factor.

I highly doubt you will be able to be friends with her years down the road, and even if she offers it I would be weary (i think that’s the word I mean :thinking:) of it.

I hope you can make better friends and that you’ve found a better pastor.

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she never seemed to communicate that she needed distance. Certainly not directly, and if she was communicating indirectly, then either i did not pick up on it or she did not communicate effectively…seeing as how her responses in text prior to the incident were upbeat and excited, i really had no reason to suspect a desire for space. Regardless, it doesn’t really matter at this point. My best guess is she was just too scared to talk to me–
but that last sentence is i think the real issue—literally every breakup–friend or otherwise–has just abandoned me without explanation–this could be a factor as to the mental breakdown and other stuff.
Maybe I just feel like it’s such a cruel way to end things–I tell myself it’s ok to end friendships, but nobody respects me enough a). attempt to work things out prior, or b). talk about their desire to break up. Perhaps this is what is actually bothering me more than the breakup itself.

This is exactly right. This is what we are all trying to say. Not one person thinks you should pursue this because it’s just going to hurt more. Why do that to yourself? Find a therapist and work it out with them, it would be much healthier.

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