Im 58 years old everyone i loved or who loved me e

[HeartSupport_Fans]

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Belongs to: Therapist analyzes Su!cIde by Ren
I’m 58 years old. Everyone I loved or who loved me either passed away or moved during covid. I found out my sister and her family were horrible racists. That was my only sibling. My kids are struggling so hard monetarily and I don’t want to impose on them. I am being evicted from the mobile home I have owned for 24 years. I paid rent on time every single month. I was evicted because I could not perform the outside maintenance in the time allotted, during an illness and the rain. I’m sitting here, 1 week past the sheriff’s 5-day notice. At any moment, I will be locked out. All of the feral cats became my friends during covid, and I couldn’t adopt all of them out. Where will they go when I’m gone? In addition, the DMV has suspended my driver’s license due to a report that I had an illness that I do not have. I have a new nurse practitioner, although they have all my old records, who consistently refuses to sign the papers that will allow me to reinstate my license. I was not informed by my insurance that I needed to file a salvage report for my only vehicle because it was totaled by the insurance company,although it was just cosmetic damage there was no real mechanical damage whatsoever. So I can’t get my VIN number inspected because I legally have no license. I can’t move my things out of my home of 24 years because I can’t hire a truck to drive myself I had to pay three times as much for movers who did not respect the fragility of the items that I sell for a living, and put them into the storage I had rented in a completely haphazard way. I’ve had to suspend my work, which might cost me a lot. I can’t rent anywhere because I now have an eviction. My best friend 41 years, whom I met on the first day of first grade, went upstairs to go to sleep and never woke up 10 years ago. My last relationship was with a man who made me believe that everything I did was my fault, and my mother, who used to be so close to me, is either suffering from dementia or has developed some sort of germaphobic issue. She won’t leave her house she won’t talk to anyone but her husband, who Shields her and enables her. I feel completely alone, and I feel like all the way I blame myself, I am powerless against these weird situations that have put me in a desperate place. My only vehicle is a vespa. Where will I sleep when they lock me out? I can’t bear being in a shelter with other people. This is my home and now it isn’t. The little feral cats do not fear me, and each one of them cuddles with me and purrs and looks me in the eyes. I can’t take them with me. I feel right now as if everything I care about has been torn away, and I’m really not certain if I can bear it. When I was younger, I felt stronger animal resilience. I never dreamed that my family and my best friend would be gone one day. I have called the hospitals and voluntarily put myself on psychological holds. I came out worse than before. It was a nightmare being locked in with all of this poor suffering people. I drive my Vespa very very fast. I’m not sure if I’ll be here much longer. But when I listen to such a talented artist like Ren, at least I know that this man will probably save more lives than he will ever know, because he articulates his experience so beautifully and with such insight. Unfortunately, for me those small glimmers of hope are not enough to obliterate the smothering darkness. My mother would expect it of me if I exited. My kids have their own lives now I would hate to cause them pain, but I know they understand. I think about it every night. I feel that they’re just isn’t enough love in my life to want to go I know this guy will save some lives. That makes me happy😊

[Heavy_Asp]

Hey! First of all, I want to acknowledge how much you’ve shared and how incredibly tough things have been for you. You’ve faced a lifetime of challenges that most people would find overwhelming, and it’s clear that you’re in a really difficult place right now. The pain of losing loved ones, dealing with family issues, financial struggles, and facing eviction is a LOT. It’s important to recognize that what you’re going through is incredibly hard, and it’s okay to feel like it’s hard.

I can’t claim to know exactly what you’re feeling, but I can relate to the experience of feeling isolated and overwhelmed. During the pandemic, many of us faced unprecedented challenges that changed our lives in ways we never expected. I, too, have had moments where I felt like I was losing everything I cared about, and it seemed like there was no way out. It’s hard when you’re used to being resilient, only to find that the weight of current circumstances feeling too heavy to bear alone.

Despite everything you’ve been through, even the beauty with which you write makes you seem like a person who has continued to fight and seek solutions even in the darkest times. Reaching out here and sharing your story takes immense courage. Your dedication to your kids, and the strength you’ve shown by managing through so much adversity are testaments to your inner strength. I want you to know that there are people out there who care and want to help. Sometimes, it’s about taking small steps and finding those glimmers of hope, like the music that resonates with you, and letting them be a source of light.

While it might seem impossible right now, there can be new chapters and different paths that lead to better days! Things like reaching out to local shelters or organizations that might be able to offer temporary help. I know you said you don’t want to burden your kids, but I would bet they’d want to know. It’s a lot to handle, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Taking one step at a time can start to lift some of the burden. There are communities and resources out there that can offer support, and sometimes, opening up to those possibilities can lead to unexpected help and new beginnings.

Remember, your story isn’t over yet. You’ve shown resilience and strength in the face of adversity before, and even though it’s incredibly hard right now, those qualities are still within you. There are people who care about you and resources that can help. Please consider reaching out to a crisis line or a mental health professional who can provide immediate support. You matter, and your well-being is important. Hold on to those small glimmers of hope, because they can grow into something brighter.