Im a bad person. i cant change that

I dont want to be a bad person… but i just naturally am. i hurt people i love unintentionally, and then when someone calls me out on it i freak out.i keep thinking im the victim when i am not. i dont want to be like this. i want to change for the better. i dont want to hurt my friends. i dont want to hate people. i want to be better, but im starting to think i should give up on being a good person. i want the people who i love to feel loved when i am with them… not hurt or judged or like i dont care about them.

i made my friends hate me and think i am a bad person. well they arnt my friends anymore… i acted like the victim when i wasnt and now they dont want anything to do with me. i didnt know what i was doing then… i now know how much of an ass i was being. i hate myself for it. i grive so often because i know i will never get them back. i take that grief and turn it into hatred.
then i sometimes be a jerk on porpose to them because of that.

i hate for it to sound as tho i dont have self control, but i dont think about what i am doing before i act. im naturally a bad person and i know that. i cant change.

2 Likes

Hello,

Thank you for sharing your experience with us, and I am sorry you feel this way.

I do not think you are a bad person. We all make mistakes, and sometimes, we unintentionally hurt people’s feelings in the process. You didn’t mean or intend to hurt them, so I don’t think you’re bad. You are kind and caring for, considering how others feel about you and wanting to let people know that you love them. Also, we are constantly changing because life is full of changes, so if you like to change, that is okay as long you are happy, but change for you and because you want to. I like to give you advice, and of course, you do not have to do anything I say; I just want to help. If you accidentally do something, you can always communicate with them and explain how you feel and that you didn’t mean any harm. I hope this helped.

3 Likes

Hello there, @C_Urchin :people_hugging:

I don’t want to cover much of what @Celine_N has already said, as they have provided a good response, so I’ll try to cover other areas. Firstly though, a very warm welcome to HeartSupport! I truly hope you find the community beneficial. You matter to us, and we are always here to support you, no matter how big or small the problem.

It does have to be said, that it does indeed take a lot of courage to recognise and admit areas where personal growth is needed. The fact that you are genuinely driven for change, and personal growth speaks volumes of the kind of person you are. I think it’s important to remember that everybody has the capacity for change, personal development and growth, they just have to see it within themselves, which I’m glad you have.

Positive change always starts with self-reflection. Recognising that you have unintentionally hurt others is a good sign. However, try not to get too worked up about this, as we will all go through lives at some point hurting those we love without intending to do so. It’s human nature. Our life path, decisions and actions will offend/hurt others. But we take the criticism, learn from it and do better. That is growth. However, change isn’t always positive, and I know that sudden changes especially can be tough.

If you want to truly see a transformation in yourself, you need to consider how you can better your self-awareness. It’s not abnormal to have to do some soul-searching to find out why we react the way we do to certain situations. I am happy to help you with some questions which might prompt you in your soul-searching journey, but ultimately this must be personal. Sometimes, even when we are unaware of it, our reactions are influenced by deep-rooted, unresolved emotional experiences.

It’s worth pointing out that change isn’t a destination, it’s a journey, and there will be setbacks, problems and times you want to give up, but always hold on to hope. Transformation takes time, and as the common saying goes, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Be patient with yourself, but also, be proud and celebrate how far you have come.

Thank you for sharing part of your journey with us! :yellow_heart:

In the history of bad people, I don’t think a single one of them cares about people or how they feel. You sound like you care a lot, and maybe things happen that you can’t control yet. That tells me that there are some new skills you can learn, or how to take moment before you react, and maybe that can help you respond differently.

“I acted like a victim when i wasnt” ------ Do you know how HARD that is to realize for a LOT of people?? A lot of people, based on mh issues or their past traumas, may slide into a pattern of reacting that feels safer or gets us what we need in that moment.
Working with a therapist may really benefit you to delve deeper in to ways to combat this, and find alternate ways to think and react.

I see a lot of potential in you to change and to be the person you want to be. You should be proud of these revelations you’ve hard already! Thsi is growth, as painful as it feels. And the start of your journey into self awareness.

1 Like

the constant knowledge of me being a bad person is kinda making it hard for me to be happy and focus in school. so if u have any advice i will be willing to hear it out!
i just worry that if i do end up changing… i wont acknowledge it and keep hating myself for the rest of my life :<
or something will happen that will make me think my efort was worth nothing! just like 3 months ago.

it took me a couple of weeks to realize it. also realizing wont resolve any situation unless u realize it in the moment. and thats really hard for me to do. and even then its hard to resolve!

i was proud of myself when I realized it. but i was also really hurt. because all the things i said to my friends were so gross… i couldnt help but feel terrible.

thats bs :P.
i never did and never will.
there is no way i could ever live a good life!
potential is just smth i dont have.
it would be hard for me to be anything but a screw up!
im dumb
i make poor desicions
im a bad person
i’m ugly
the only motivation that works on me is “so i can be cute”
i have terrible mental heath.
and im transfem (nothing wrong with that, its just i prob will never live in the body i dream of having)
i dont have any potential.
even if i did, i’d waste it.
:3

1 Like

Yeah, I can relate to it.

Although I wasn’t told this as often as you (probably), I do feel uncomfortable when I’m told that I have “the potential” to do something.

But in most cases (to me atleast), they come from a place of good intentions. Saying that you have potential to do something better, be it craft or skill, is just a way to point out a possibility. A possibility of a better chance at success. It doesn’t matter how good or bad you are.

Even if it may all seem gloomy, it won’t always be like this. There will be a time were the night won’t last as long. When the weather won’t be as harsh. Sure, it’s not a bright sunny day like you hoped, but it’s still nicer than before.

It just takes time to improve. The transition is very slow, but the progress is worth celebrating. Not everything has to happen fast paced, but just slow enough to see the difference.

At least, that’s how it was in my experience.

Yours can be totally different from mine. And that’s okay.
What matters most is that you have a place to share your thoughts and feelings.

Hi C_Urchin, (I love that name)

I am going to start with the first one that I know isn’t true for certain. “I make poor decisions” Welcome to Heartsupport, Thank you for deciding to post, this was a very good decision. :grinning:
Now I will let you into a secret… Every single person in the world has potential, granted some have the potential to mess up but its still potential however im struggling here.
Why do you dislike yourself so intensly and why are you so hard on yourself?
There is good and bad in us all, I don’t know what you look like but we are all beautiful to someone, I am sorry about your mental health issues, I hope you are getting help with that either via a doctor or therapist? if you need any resources we have many here that you can have access to.
I wont pretend to know what being transfem is like, I also do not know about what you need to do in order to live in the body you dream of, I cannot imagine how difficult in so many ways that is and I am truly sorry that you are in that situation.
When I read these posts, I generally get a feeling about who a person is, I may be right or wrong but its just a feeling and I have to say I actually think you seem pretty cool, I think you need to be heard and loved but other than that pretty cool, seems you have come to the right place.
You do have potential, you hve it to do anything you want with you in your life, maybe you can lean on us as you go? Much Love Lisa. x

i often make this suggestion, when somthin happens, can you take a few min to think and write down your thoughts? before you say anything, ask you friends to give you a few minutes to think about it because you want to give them a proper reply/response/support, but sometimes you have to work through your thoughts?

I think what can also maybe help is to monitor what your thoughts are. Do you wonder how the thing is related to you or affects you, so you respond to it that way?

I still think there is good potential for oyu to learn to respond in a way that makes you happier and proud of yourself, but it will take a little while to change up the way you think/respond.

Would it be possible to also work with a therapist or counselor?

Hello,

I’m sorry that you feel this way, and thank you for reaching out to us.

I want to let you know that this negative feeling is temporary. You are not a screw-up; you have the potential and ability to achieve what you desire. Also, we all make poor decisions sometimes, but that’s okay; that’s what makes us grow. I also do not think you are a bad person; you are kind and caring, and I’m sure you show it daily; You are kind and loving in your responses. Also, what you use your potential for never be a waste; the things you do are not a waste; they add character and give us the ability to develop and grow. I may not know what it is like to be a transfem, but your body is a body, and it is unique and one of a kind because it’s yours. I am also glad you are reaching out for support for mental health.

There is nothing wrong with changing because life is full of changing and we are always changing as humans. Each day, we become a day older and wiser than the previous day; our hair may get longer or cut shorter; we are constantly changing, and there is nothing wrong with that. Life is like a roller coaster; we will always have good moments and a fair share of bad moments that go up and down. We can choose whether we want to scream or enjoy the ride.

As for advice, I would like to advise you on your goals and what you want to study for. Having a goal in mind will help you focus on school and achieve what you desire. I am sure what you use in your education will positively impact the world. Remember, you are not a bad person; you are an amazing person and have all the traits for it.

1 Like

my only goal is to create story’s people enjoy lol. but i also barley know how to create them… and word them correctly! i still love making storys tho :3

i hate myself so much because i mess up anything i get the opportunity to.

im not a cool person… i wish i was tho! there were some people in my life who made me feel cool and good abt myself… but they left me :3 but theres nothing i can do so i should stop worrying abt it so much…

i have a therapist :3

I love people ^^
but people hate me.
which makes me hate people.
in doing so makes me feel like a hypocrite.

I wanna talk to people.
like respond to people on this site.
but I’m too scared.
y’all care Abt me enough that u can respond to be.
y’all awner all my problems say.
but when I respond I’m dry
(btw ty to everyone who responded to me before lol :3)
which makes me feel rude.
<3