I know a lot of you have just heard that I’ve been busy, because I’ve been trying to contain my feelings. This last month has been so emotional to me, and it’s been terrifying to be honest.
For those of you who don’t know, I lost my mom 10 years ago in 2008 very unexpectedly. Growing up as a child I had a pretty great childhood, with lots of love and stability. My teenage years were very different. My mom went on for years of losing herself and control, where as my dad always made sure we had what we needed, while working more than full time.
My dad has always been there for me. My dad has always been the kind of dad who’s very stern of making me and my brothers able to provide for ourselves, but while giving us the shirt off his back if needed.
Last month I found out my dad has stage 4 cancer, and I’ve been a mess of emotions since. I’m scared, but hopeful. I’m trying to remain positive, even while breaking. I keep going through thoughts like “What if he doesn’t meet my children, or see my success, or see me get married?” and then I feel selfish for asking those questions, but they were the ones I asked when I lost my mom. I’ve been a worried mess during all of this. It’s been hard to write this post, because my goal when I came to HS was to help others, and encourage others. I’ve never been good at sharing my problems because all I want to do is help, but I feel like everyone deserves to know.
I love you all very much!
1 Like
I’m so sorry friend, that’s really really rough. Stay hopeful there, modern medicine is incredible and I’m sure they will do the best for your dad.
Remind him he is loved. I’m sorry about your mum and I’m so proud of you for staying strong.
I really hope your dad gets better soon.
I love you and I hope everything gets better soon.
Hold fast,
Luna 
️
2 Likes
Bro, so thankful that you decided to open up. I can’t imagine trying to bear the weight of all of that alone. To feel the anniversary of your mom’s passing and all the emotions that brings up and compound it with this type of “deja vu” happening with your dad…gosh that’s a worse than twice as bad…because you’re already bracing for impact, you’re already feeling all of the regret and pain and loss before it’s even happened…you’re reliving what you’ve lived and projecting it into the future so that all you experience is the pain from your past, the pain you anticipate, and it’s sandwiching you in this place where you’re trapped in a pain that’s yet to come in the present…it feels inescapable, it feels suffocating…and yet you’re fighting and clawing to remain hopeful, to name your thoughts, to be authentic, to be open – I think there’s just so much nobility in the way you’re processing and handling these trying times…I am proud of you.
As far as feeling selfish about the thoughts that you are thinking… I think you’re literally 100% human for thinking those things…that’s what everyone thinks – to whatever degree they think it – at one point or another when a parent passes. I imagine those things are the things I’ll think when it happens to me too. You are not alone here, and you are not silly or selfish for thinking them…
But I do think NAMING those thoughts and being curious enough to get underneath them to the core desires is going to be helpful for you to engage these times with your dad well…what is it that you’re hoping for him to say about you? what is it you’re hoping for him to believe about you? what is it you’re hoping to feel about yourself? what are you truly desiring? and just be honest here man…100%, let the answers come from your heart. I think having those out of your heart and onto paper is something that could be incredibly valuable, because you could have an honest conversation with your dad and not let any of these things go unspoken or unresolved. So if you’re feeling up for the challenge, what do you want from your dad?
1 Like
Kernal, I know how rough this has been on you. I wish this wasn’t happening to you, or anyone for that matter. I know that you had lingering regrets about your mother’s passing. Things you wished you said and did. With this situation asking yourself those questions are not selfish. I have the same thoughts go through my mind when it comes to my own father. With what you’ve done and what you’re doing I know that you’ve done both of your parents proud. If you have to take a break to get your bearings together no one will blame you. We just want the best for your family and for yourself. I love you man and I promise no matter what happens I’ll always be there for you. Follow your heart and make sure you let him know how much he is loved. Love you man and I wish nothing but the best for you
-Chanse
I am so sorry about your mum. My grandma died about ten years ago too. SO I totally understand where you are coming from. It is hard to deal with one person leaving you. Then to find out your dad has stage 4 cancer. I am so incredibly sorry.
It is usual to be scared and terrified even when you had past experience with death. Know that the doctors would do anything in there power to help him get better. I really do hope he gets better to see you in the future.
Lastly, you are not selfish. You reached out and that is a big step to open out. Everyone appreciates your help. But you have to look out for you too.
Hold fast I believe in you
Thank you for sharing your feelings. Seeing a loved one go through a tough time can be rough. It’s great that you guys have a strong bond together and keep that bond strong. Cherish the good the memories that you had with him and help him as much as you can. Prayers being sent towards your family ️
I thank you all so so so very much for all your encouraging words. It’s definitely been an up and down kind of month. I know I personally will be okay through everything, and I have a lot of people around me who are so great, including all of you. I really do appreciate every one of you <3
@LunaressRose Thank you so much, I really appreciate you responding. It was hard for me to put all of this out there, because I didn’t want to take away from others who need help. Thank you friend
@NateTriesAgain I guess the biggest thing for me is wanting my dad to know how much he means to me. Before all of this happened I had been telling my girlfriend like “Hey I should really start spending more time with my dad” because I’m 32, and it’s sometimes harder to get around to hanging out with him. I have the same personality as him which is non intrusive, and kinda keeping to myself. I’ve never had the typical call my parents everyday kind of relationship, and I’ve always been okay with that.
@KillerChansey dude you’ve been here for me since day 1 I feel. We kinda became friends instantly and I love that. I really appreciate all of our conversations and friendship. You’re a great dude and I’m proud to call you my friend.
1 Like
️