I don’t like my weight. I dont enjoy forcing myself to be intimate with my boyfriend of 7 years. I feel my femininity is gone. I have no desires to be intimate with any person. The insurance company refused to cover a Panniculectomy despite my interigo and foul odor for 3 years following a weight loss of 40 lbs. I am still clinically obese. BMI of 31. Despite the obesity I have toned legs and arms. Rock solid. My mid section looks like melted ice cream. My boyfriend will get his $60,000 pay out from a lawsuit he won in December. 30% goes to the lawyer. He wont give me $8,000 dollars for the procedure I need to rid my self of my skin prison. I saw a board certified Plastic Surgeon who takes my insurance. But the insurance company has given me hell 3 times. My boyfriend told me to keep nagging them. I was embarrassed. Very during my third denial which was an in person panel hearing. I cannot be intimate because of this apron of flesh. They would not cover it because the flesh wasn’t right at the level of the pubis symphasis! I am an inch above. I have lost 4 lbs in 2 weeks of dieting. I need to lose some weight to get some of that cost down so I can afford the surgery. My dream since I was 26 was to have a tummy tuck or Panniculectomy. I feel and look deformed. I know the skin will hang lower but I am adamant in losing 20-30 lbs. I feel cranky doing calorie deficits and saving money. It may take as long as 3 years. I also lost desire to be seen and touched. I bathe 3 times a day and apply ointments to my belly button because often it bleeds and blisters. I am very physically active. I ran a half a marothon earlier this year and am getting better at dancing. I do step aerobics or jog for cardio. I lift weights. I have remained Fat because I have a large appetite. The reason for my legs, buttocks and arms are toned is because I work out a lot. Even the pics the doctors nurse took of me to submit to insurance blew me away. I never realized I had defined arms and an hourglass. But my belly was this apron of wrinkled sagging skin. I want to never have sex. I have felt like this for 4 years. I even look online for chest binders, belly binders and chastity belts. Everytime I skip sex with my boyfriend he treats me bad by screaming at me. I want him to cheat on me. I wish he would give or loan me money. But he wants a new car. So I’ll save. I told him. I just needed to get this off my chest.
I’m not great with replying to others, I always feel like what I have to say is inadequate or more clinical than necessary, and what I’m saying you probably already know, some of it you already mentioned, but I would at least like to try to reply to you.
I am SO sorry that you are going through this. Your boyfriend is being very childish if he feels he has to scream at you because he isn’t getting what he wants with the intimacy. It’s your body and he should be respectful of that. I don’t want to label it, but I feel as if that’s emotional abuse, and you don’t deserve that. I hope you stick up for yourself when he does that.
It’s true that the insurance companies make you jump through ridiculous hoops and then deny you services. It’s extremely hard to be approved for any type of skin removal because they consider it cosmetic, even when it’s clearly not. When your panel isn’t long enough to get approved, they don’t believe it’s really hindering you in any way, which is why they are strict about the length. Your doctor has to document (notes and pictures) that you’re regularly getting rashes under your panel that are extremely painful and cause bleeding, and that they aren’t treatable with normal treatments that you have tried. That has to be documented. Also, you have to be able to prove that you kept the weight off for a fair amount of time, so they know that you are going to be keeping it off, nor do they want to approve for someone who might end up losing a ton more and then need another surgery later on. Then they might approve it because at that point it’s more of a quality of life issue, because you’re always in pain. I do agree with your boyfriend in that you should keep trying to get insurance to cover the surgery. However, I think you should wait until you’re closer to your goal weight. Every appointment with your doctor, you should tell him the negatives of how having the extra skin is affecting your life.
I had this same body image problem with the skin panel after I had weight loss surgery. You look in the mirror, your eyes wander down to your abdomen, where the panel is, or maybe they go directly to the panel without noticing a single other thing about yourself. And then you see this skin hanging there, pulling down. Sometimes pulling towards the center a little. With wrinkles, and maybe some stretch marks. And it’s so ugly looking. And you don’t want anyone to see it, or feel it. Because someone who never had to lose weight in the first place wouldn’t have it. It hurts to look at it. If it’s heavy enough, it hurts to exercise with it. It pinches and sways and rubs against your clothes. And you wonder, “How did I come this far, only to be stuck with that?”
But let me tell you this: It’s NOT a deformity. It’s a battle scar, and it’s something you should be proud of! Maybe you still are a little overweight, but try not to look at that! Look at what you’ve done for yourself to this point. Look at how far you’ve come. I know it’s hard to see that extra skin and think of it as a victory, but it wouldn’t be there if you hadn’t done something to make yourself healthier. You’re doing something right, and that is a victory!
I feel that the people who love you should support you and encourage you instead of getting angry and screaming at you when you are struggling. Progress takes time and you are doing amazing. Insurance is very difficult to deal with. I work in health care and have to deal with insurance companies everyday. You should be so proud of everything that you have accomplished! Instead of looking at flaws, try focusing on all of the good things. Take a minute to look back on how much you have changed and everything you have accomplished. I could never run marathons. I can barely jog a mile now! You are doing great.