I swear all I ever do is fuck things up. I should just lock myself in my room and scream. I wish I could lose my voice and never have to speak again. I wish my limbs were never here. I wish I was never here. All I do is fuck everything up and ruin everyone’s lives. I simply want to die. A noose would be quite nice, maybe a quiet death by sleep? How about poison? I simply wish to die. It’s not my fault that I’m here. I didn’t ask to be here. I did not ask for any of this bullshit. I simply appeared and now there’s nothing more I can do. Death is always an option so I’ll keep that in mind. I try to remember my friends. I try to remember who I’m living for but it’s difficult. Sometimes I wonder if they truly like me. They probably want me dead as well. I can understand why. I go to them when I need help and ignore them when they need me. I seriously need to learn how to be a good person. I need to learn how to be a basic human being. I just want people to like me for who I am, but how can other people like me if I don’t even like myself? If the world is better without me then I’d rather see 3,000 people happy that I’m dead then 4 people sad that I’m alive. I know it makes no sense, but I’ll do whatever it takes for everyone to be happy. If the world is happy that I’m gone then I’m happy too. I can’t ever make anyone happy. I don’t want someone to reach out or anything, I simply want to rant about how much I’m okay with dying.
In addition the only people I’m really living for are my friends. I have a few but I don’t know how problematic they are.
Sometimes I feel like you are feeling, that you only make wrong thing, that you dont make people happy and that the world would be better without you, I now the feeling.
I glad that you came here to post this, you know there are days when we think that we arent enough for people but if you have people around you if because they want to be with you, because even if you dont see it, they see that you are worth.
Everyone make mistakes, do something that they dont like, because we are human, no one in this world is perfect, because it we were perfect we wont be human. So dont blame yourself, you deserve to live and happy and in this community we love you, your real friends love you and the right people you will meet will love you.
So my advice is try to do something you like to avoid those thought,because people need to you dont give on you and to fight with those thought. When you look at the mirror try to tell yourself that you are amaizing and that everyday you will try to become the best of you , not for the others, but for you. You deserve to love yourself so please dont give up.
Life can be hard but there are so many happy times that are waiting for you. Take care 